My Top 10 for 2010

Collage by The Dirt Dishing Dame

After decking my halls with boughs of celebrity gossip, I decided it was time to pack it in the for year.

As a thank you to the celebrities who made this blog possible, I've compiled a list of my top 10 celeb contributions to the world of entertainment.

In true David Letterman fashion, let's begin the countdown (also see "bonus" section at the end):

10. Nicki Minaj. This woman makes having multiple personalities acceptable. Not to mention her "ill" rap skills and, of course, an ass that moves independent of her body. Bottoms up, girlfriend.

9. David Arquette. He recently admitted that he's been "drinking a lot" to get through his separation with Courtney Cox. I've been there, done that, as recently as last weekend to get over/under a man of my own. Thanks for showing solidarity, Davey.

8. The Back Up Plan. This movie, starring Jennifer Lopez, was forced upon me earlier this year by my BFF, Graham. I forced him to see "Valentine's Day" (my bad) in theaters so I owed him one. And I was pleasantly surprised! Who knew JLo could actually be a good actress? My faith is renewed.

7. Lindsay Lohan. Dear Lindsay, thank you for teaching me everything NOT to do in life. Every time I paint "F U" on my fingernails, I will raise my martini in your honor. Tell Betty Ford I said hey girl hey.

6. Charlie Sheen's Hotel Meltdown. Dear Charlie, thank you for being the anti-Lindsay. You've taught us that, unlike Lindsay, sometimes it's OK to go on drug binges, lock porn stars in the closet and still go back to work the next week. Let me know where you're partying for the New Year because it's bound to be a night to remember/forget.

5. Brangelina. They didn't add any kids to their brood this year but they kept it hot and spicy on the red carpet. I've never been so torn before - I would give anything to be their lover on the side and/or be adopted as their seventh child. Maybe a little bit from column A and B? I'll keep you posted.

4. Glee. While season 2 hasn't been as consistently good as season 1, I take my hat off to this show. The songs are great, the plot is timely and moving, and once I found out Darren Criss (Blaine) was straight in real life, I lost my sh!t. I still can't watch the Teenage Dream video or the Glee wedding episode without crying (tears of joy).

3. Whip My Hair by Willow Smith. This 10 year old girl rocks my world. Enough said.

2. Ellen Degeneres. Not only is this woman ridiculously funny and generous, but she and her staff flew me out to LA to make a complete ass of myself on national TV. My love for this woman knows no bounds. Watch out, Portia!

1. Betty White. This woman has made it OK to be an 88 year old cougar. If I grow up to be like her, I can officially call my life a success. Watch out, Robert Redford!

BONUS: The Dirt Dishing Dame's 2010 "Best's"

Best career comeback: Eminem.
I thought he was a goner after the "Relapse" album. But "Recovery" has me shaking my a$$ and crying at the same time when I hear one of his deeply personal rap ballads. I'm not afraid either, Emmy.

Best new artist: Justin Bieber.
I am the first to admit that my obsession with this 16-year-old is entirely unhealthy. Nevertheless, I will show this guy a whole new world if given the opportunity. JBiebs - when U Smile, I smile.


Best wedding: Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green.
As dysfunctional as these two are, they certainly did their Hawaiian wedding up right. I think they'll be in love for at least the next three weeks.

Best "relationship": Chelsea Handler and 50 Cent.
Handler keeps the laughs coming whenever she mentions her dark chocolate popsicle on the show.

Best break up: Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens.
I know you would have assumed ScarJo and Ry Ry, but enough was enough with Zefron. You can do SO much better than Vanessa. And once you meet me, you'll know that for sure :-)


That's all she wrote. I'm retiring until 2011 unless Lindsay decides to go on a bisexual bender before January 1...

Happy holidays, everyone!!

Van Wilder Is Now A Single Lady

Courtesy: Listal.com

Maybe dreams do come true?


It was only yesterday that I last blogged about Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens splitting up, leaving Efron vulnerable to my seductive charms. Now another Christmas-came-early gift has arrived. 


It was just announced that Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson are no more.


The pair tied the knot in September 2008 in a Vancouver ceremony after getting together the year before. They were one of the few Hollywood couples to successfully keep the details of their relationship under wraps. An ability that's hard to come by in today's Tweet-obsessed culture. 


But unlike Jay-Z and Beyonce, their quest for privacy did not protect them from the inevitable Hollywood-relationship demise. Reynolds' rep released a statement today stating:


"After long and careful consideration on both our parts, we've decided to end our marriage," they say in a joint statement. "We entered our relationship with love and it's with love and kindness we leave it. While privacy isn't expected, it's certainly appreciated." 


Ryan, while I'd love to give you everything you desire and more, privacy right now just isn't going to cut it. You're simply too hot.


Sources close to Johansson cite distance as one of the primary reasons for the couple's split. Hectic work schedules and bicoastal homes weren't quite doing it for the pair. Kendra Wilkinson (of Playboy fame) very often credits Skype sex for keeping her long distance marriage alive to NFL pro Hank Baskett. But apparently ScarJo and Ry Ry never got on board with the trend.


I know that the end of a marriage is a sad thing. I'm not completely cold-hearted (debatable, I know). But as a longtime fan of Reynolds and an ambivalent observer of ScarJo, I can't say I'm heartbroken. 


Honestly, I would have rather seen him tie the knot to one-time fiancée Alanis Morissette than settle down with Woody Allen's muse. 


I know that "technically" ScarJo isn't a homewrecking trollop despite her portrayal of said character in numerous films. But I also know that I'm not a big enough person to separate fact from fiction when I see her out and about. 


Or when Justin Timberlake killed her character in the "What Goes Around" video, I wasn't shedding any tears at the artistic imagery. I was just happy she was gone.


In reality, Ryan won't coming knocking at my door any second now that he's single (although I'm leaving it unlocked just in case). But there is at least an increased likelihood of a meaningless one night stand if I were to "stumble" across his next movie set. And I can get on board with those kinds of odds.


I'm truly sorry it didn't work out guys. But Ryan - please see my previous blog post for the number you can call to get in touch ;-)

Darren Criss Sings His Way Through His Rolling Stones Interview

He's crazy hot!

High School Musical Fans Are Crying Worldwide

And maybe I'm dead inside, but I couldn't be happier!

Courtesy: Disnology.com

For those of you in the San Francisco area, you may have witnessed a certain Dirt Dishing Dame out and about this weekend imbibing on a variety of "spirits".

This was in the hopes that if I consumed enough alcohol, I could erase certain feelings I've had for a young beau who shall remain nameless.

I'm sure I'll talk about him more on my E! True Hollywood Story as "the one who got away" when Ryan Seacrest tearfully asks about my life's biggest regrets. But let's circle back now to the topic at hand.

Imagine my surprise when my Hollywood sources informed me today that I may, in fact, not be alone forever. Because - wait for it - Zac Efron hottie-mc-hot is back on the market!!

Some of you may recognize him as a young Matthew Perry in the movie "17 Again". Others, who aren't embarrassed enough to deny this, may have first noticed Mr. Efron in his breakout role as Troy Bolton in High School Musical 1, 2 and 3.

I must admit, inappropriate thoughts went flying through my head when I saw Zac getting ready for the pretend Disney prom in High School Musical 3. He can pin a corsage on me any day of the week.

But every time I would get ready to declare my love, Disney-deadweight Vanessa Hudgens showed up by his side. The two had been dating since 2006 after they first met on the HSM set. According to Vanessa, they had an "instant connection" (aka hormones) that couldn't be denied.

Turns out it took him four years, but Zac is finally able to deny those pesky feelings after all. And just in time for my reawakening! I thought I could never love again but for Charlie St. Cloud*, anything is possible.

We all know from experience - break ups are hard. They take a certain amount of time, energy and red wine with a side of Ben & Jerry's to move on from the hurt. That being said, how hurt can Zac really be?

He's an international film star with a gorgeous physique and seemingly limitless potential as an actor. Vanessa Hudgens is just one bad movie away from putting a nail in her own acting coffin, with a lifeless singing career to match. Their jobs had them living on opposite ends of the globe for months at a time during the prime of their lives.

When you're in your teens, you have no business holding yourself back from all life has to offer. Unless you're dating Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie.

And I don't think that Brad or Angie would have stayed in a four-year relationship at age 20 knowing how many seeds they each still needed to sow, if you catch my drift.

I have no problem volunteering to be Zac's next seed sower. He's probably not looking to settle down and I certainly don't need him to put a ring on it. Give me a couple weeks of poor decisions and a "questionable" video that I can leak to RadarOnline and we'll call it a day.

Zac - you can give me a call ANYTIME at 867-5309.

*A movie reference for a film released earlier this year. And no matter how hot Zac is, 

it's not worth going to see. Save yourselves while you still can.

Ozzy Osbourne: Who the F*ck is Justin Bieber??

Watch video here! Even I had to laugh ;-)

Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens Split!!

Their pain; my gain

Girl on Girl Inaction

Courtesy: realbollywood.com

If she's told us once, she's told us a thousand times - the Big O is no lesbian. 

Not that there would be any issue if she were. In fact, Oprah would probably be the first person to tell us if she decided to bat for the other team: 

"I'm not even kind of a lesbian," the talk show queen, 56, tells Walters. "And the reason why [the rumor] irritates me is because it means that somebody must think I'm lying. That's No. 1. No. 2 ... why would you want to hide it? That is not the way I run my life."

So why is it such a big deal to the Star's and National Enquirer's of the world to try and take down this daytime diva? 

By suggesting that Oprah is gay, the media is insinuating that homosexuality is a flaw worthy of ridicule. And I think my friends at disco brunch would beg to differ.

Perhaps it's because Oprah and Ellen Degeneres are recently minted BFF's. But as Ellen continues through the eighth season of her wildly successful talk show, one can assume that her lesbianism isn't a career-ending revelation.

The rumors began swirling again when Oprah and Gayle went camping earlier this fall. But if camping makes you gay, then Sarah Palin and her entire family will be two-stepping out of the closet any day now.

So what is it about our Op-ster that screams "lesbian" to so many people? 

Maybe it's because she and Stedman never married. Although honestly, if you were Oprah, would you want to share your self-made wealth with anyone else? There aren't enough pre-nups in the world for all of her millions. 

And Stedman seems to be quite content that Oprah never put a ring on it. So it seems a tad inappropriate for us to demand it of her on his behalf.

I think the Human Rights Campaign (a national association that advocates for the LGBT community) should give Oprah an honorary lesbian badge for all that she's endured. Never before have I seen someone so hounded for being straight. 

I pride myself on being a gay man trapped in a woman's body. And maybe it's because I'm not the host of a 25-year-old talk show but Barbara Walters has never called me to ask for an interview about it. 

Attention, tabloids: let Oprah enjoy her heterosexuality in peace. There will be plenty of other Hollywood lesbians to come out of the closet in due time.

Kelsey Grammar Engaged Already!

Camille's Gonna Blow Her Lid - UsWeekly

One Too Many Vodka Sodas for Ms. Handler

Courtesy: HuffingtonPost.com

Lock it up, girrrrrl.

This is an especially painful post for me to write as I am one of the most diehard Chelsea Handler fans alive.

My DVR is backed up with Chelsea Lately episodes whenever I return home from my week-long benders. And by the time I've had my third, refreshing Gatorade, I'm all caught up.

But this time, our vodka-loving comedienne has gone too far. As much as I love her inappropriate humor and odd obsession with little people, I can't back her latest rant against Santa Angelina Jolie.

Over the weekend, Handler performed in New Jersey for her "Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang" comedy tour. During her stand up routine, she spewed a series of expletives in her latest tirade on Angelina's homewrecking tendencies.

Why the sudden hate for this international do-gooder, you ask? Well, it turns out that Chelsea and Jennifer Aniston vacationed together in Mexico over the Thanksgiving holiday.

And I'm guessing that after one or two mojitos, Jen wasn't quite so Zen about her break up with Brad as she claims to be.

So Chels has taken it upon herself to launch a personal smear campaign about Angelina's apparent ability to break up marriages, one expletive-laden comedy show at a time.

I'm not going to pick sides here since I'm pretty sure I'd switch teams for either of the aforementioned entertainers, but I can't back Chelsea's dissing of my Angie. Angelina can't help that Brad fell for her any more than Chelsea can help sleeping with famous black rappers. We've all got our thing, girl.

And Chels, let's be honest. If Brad Pitt were all up in your grill - married or no - would you really turn him down?? Don't judge unless you've been there and NOT done that.

Note to Angie: It's all good. People will still flock to the theaters this weekend to see you and Johnny Depp get it on in "The Tourist".

I'll bring the popcorn - you bring Brad.

Taylor Swift Found Her Love Story

Courtesy: UsWeekly.com

Disclaimer: This blog posting has an indecent amount of cheesy puns incorporating the titles of Taylor Swift songs and Jake Gyllenhaal movies. I just couldn't help myself.

It's official - my heart is crushed.

Somehow I knew when Jake and Reese Witherspoon were dating that it would never last. Maybe it was because I saw the bitchy side of Reese during a chance encounter in Washington DC. Or maybe it was because a union between Donnie Darko and Elle Woods just didn't make sense. Either way, their days were numbered.

But Jake and Taylor are an entirely different sort of "Love Story". After just five weeks, the pair have been spotted canoodling in coffee shops on Thanksgiving day and meeting each other's parents.

Already, entertainment news pundits are plotting their celeb couple name - Jaylor? GyllenSwift? Swyllenhall? Or the most obvious choice: so-damn-cute-that-there's-no-chance-of-me-fathering-Jake's-kids-anymore.

I'm just saying.

But I've got to admit, I'm happy for them. At the ripe age of 20, Taylor Swift has experienced more ups and downs in the world of love than most baby boomers. And as far as boyfriends go, girlfriend struck gold.

Not only is Jake the epitome of Haat-ness, he's actually a solid guy. He's eluded any Tiger Woods-like scandals thus far in his career and has garnered an international reputation as the boy you want to bring home to mama.

But watch out - because mama might try to make out with him when you're not looking.

And your mom may just be closer in age to Jake than his current lady love. In a mere 19 days, Jake will turn 30. This makes him nearly a decade older than Swift, which the Ryan Seacrests of the world are all too quick to point out.

But the day we start to let Ryan Seacrest's opinion matter, we're all doomed. If Brangelina can make it through their twelve year age difference and six small kids, anything is possible.

Jake is clearly into the look of Taylor's "Teardrops on [Her] Guitar". So who are we to say they won't last "Forever & Always"?

Granted, odds are against them as Hollywood couples tend to crash and burn harder than Mel Gibson's career. But I'm holding out hope that these two crazy kids are just cute enough to make it work.

But in case things don't go their way, Jake can be the Prince of my Persia any. day. of. the. week.

Never Can Say Goodbye

For anyone who's been to the Dirt Dishing Dame's cougar lair, you know firsthand that my home is covered in Michael Jackson memorabilia.

There are the obvious wall coverings from the Time Magazine Commemorative Edition to a throwback Entertainment Weekly and, of course, the LIFE coffee table book in my living room. If you look a little closer, there's a sequined glove atop a men's fedora in the closet, 4 DVDs and 1 VHS of his performances throughout the decades and T-shirts in the dresser emblazoned with images of his trademark moves.

Credit: Wikipedia

To say June 25, 2009 was a dark day is an understatement. Since then, we've seen millions of people around the world reacting to the death of an icon - some positive, some negative and some not even worth mentioning.

Last night at the American Music Awards, we saw an example of how Michael Jackson's legend will never die. And I couldn't be prouder of my jailbait, future ex-boyfriend - Justin Bieber.

The Biebs was nominated for four AMA's last night and won in all categories including Entertainer of the Year. His finale speech included a touching tribute to Usher Raymond - the man he justly credits with his success.

But if you took a minute to rewind your DVRs, you would have seen that the Biebs paid tribute to a man largely credited with inspiring Usher Raymond's artistic side: Michael Jackson.

Earlier in the show, Justin Bieber performed his new song "Pray" wearing a black jacket with a white band around his right arm. This was a signature Jackson trademark and Bieber's subtle yet touching performance tribute to the man whose legacy inspired most of the artists seated throughout the AMA audience.

Usher performed soon afterward and added several Jackson dance moves to his routine, something that has become quite common for the soulful crooner since Michael's passing last year.

With "entertainers" like Miley Cyrus and Taylor Momsen writhing on the ground in outfits far too mature for their teenage years, it's refreshing to see performers like Justin Bieber pay tribute to their predecessors who made their own successes possible.

Without Michael Jackson, there would be no Usher Raymond and, in turn, no Justin Bieber making 12 year old girls (and 20-something Dirt Dishing Dames) sigh contentedly and draw hearts on our three-ring binders.

In all seriousness, it was wonderful to see Bieber's maturity and respect for those who came before him oozing out of his pubescent pores. If I wasn't a fan before (and let's be honest, we all know I was), I am a mega fan now.

My Bieber Fever has given way to the Biebonic Plague - for which there is no cure. Thank you, Justin, for making me feel like I'm the Only Girl in the world!

My son is gay

My son is gay « Nerdy Apple Bottom

Jimmy Fallon and Bruce Springsteen Whip Their Hair!!!

Whip My Hair Cover : People.com

Tony Parker Files for Divorce from Eva Longoria, Report Says

People.com

Note to Self: Never Pull A Jessica Simpson

Credit: Thefrisky.com

Just when we thought Jessica Simpson couldn't get any blonder...

Congratulations are in order to Jessica Simpson and her beau, NFL freelancer Eric Johnson, who announced their engagement this weekend.

Coincidentally, their announcement is just days after Simpson's ex-husband, Nick Lachey, announced his engagement to longterm girlfriend Vanessa Ma-I'm-so-boring. But who's counting?

Despite the fact that Simpson and Johnson have only been dating since May, I was actually happy for the little lass when I heard the news. After several failed dalliances with John Mayer and having the entire Dallas Cowboys team turning against her during her relationship with quarterback Tony Romo, I figured now is the time for Simpson to shine in love. We all deserve to be happy in whatever way it takes to get us there.

But happy and naive do not seem to be mutually exclusive for Simpson. Perez Hilton and I were both shocked to learn that along with Simpson's decision to say "I do" came the accompanying decision to not have her fiancée sign a prenup before walking down the aisle.

Simpson's wealth is rumored to total somewhere around $100 million from record sales, clothing and fragrance lines, and God knows what else she spends her time doing. Johnson, though an NFL pro, has been unemployed for some time and hasn't exactly been paying his way through his six-month relationship with Jessica.

You would think Jess would have learned her lesson from her last marriage. Nick Lachey's untalented behind walked away with $10 million of Jessica's not-so-hard-earned dough after their divorce last decade. And that was well before QVC took any big interest in hawking Jessica's wares.

Fast forward a few failed relationships and Jessica is ready to sound the wedding bells once more with nothing more than her hopes and dreams to fuel the marriage.

I'm not saying her relationship is doomed, but considering her track record you would think our Southern belle would be a bit more cautious on this second go-round.

My career as Dirt Dishing Dame has yet to garner millions, but I tried nevertheless to put myself in Ms. Simpson's shoes. Personally, break ups are enough of a loss that I doubt I would want to compound it by losing my vacation home in Cabo as well. Call me crazy, but I would do all I could to hold onto that house and use it as my cabana boy getaway in case my marriage went south.

It's not ideal to consider the worst when getting hitched, but it's also less than ideal to watch your money being spent on jock straps by your ex because you didn't plan accordingly.

As my parting words of advice for Jessica, I invite you to view the lyrics to "Sign the Prenup" by KRS-One & Greenie. Pure poetry awaits you.

Bill Clinton Joins Cast of The Hangover 2

People.com

Jessica Simpson Engaged to Eric Johnson

People.com

George W. Bush And Kanye Are BFFs

PerezHilton.com

Tim Gunn Unloads! Calls Taylor Momsen "Sad and Pathetic," Real Housewives "Wild Animals" - E! Online

E! Online

Tim Gunn Unloads! Calls Taylor Momsen "Sad and Pathetic," Real Housewives "Wild Animals" - E! Online

E! Online

Russell Brand: He's Actually Kind of Profound...

News - Russell Brand: Married Life With Katy Perry Is Like a "Sitcom" - Healthy Lifestyle - UsMagazine.com:

"'All of us, really, have a deep yearning within us for love,' Brand explained. 'I think eventually you find a spiritual and emotional connection with someone, and I think it unifies with everyone. I think if you love one person it makes you love everyone. That's how I feel. Katy gives me a lot to think about. I like it.'"

They Put a Ring On It

Credit: Just Jared

Wedding bells are (almost) ringing in La-La-Land for LeAnn Rimes/Eddie Cibrian and Vanessa Minnillo/Nick Lachey.

In the wake of celebrity divorces happening everywhere you turn, it's refreshing to see people in love and wanting to make honest men and women of each other. If only this occurred without the wreckage of homes in the process.

ABC News featured a "Country Week" special on Wednesday by interviewing crooners like Carrie Underwood and LeAnn Rimes. This marked the first couples interview Eddie Cibrian has given about his relationship with Rimes since his split with his wife. Cibrian and Rimes met on the set of Lifetime's "Northern Lights" made-for-TV-movie while they were both still married.

Tabloids soon announced that the two had taken their on-screen love to new heights off-screen in a scandalous affair that quickly stripped Rimes of her "America's Sweetheart" title. She was relabeled a homewrecker and even stalker of Cibrian and his family.

Fast forward one jam-packed year and the two are rumored now to be engaged. What a difference a year makes. I know cheating is wrong but, honestly, these two were made for each other. Homewrecking aside, they do seem to share a love that is unselfish and unwavering despite the media's declarations otherwise (and the very vocal wrath of Cibrian's ex-wife).

I hope LeAnn walks down the aisle to "How Do I Live Without You". That would put the cherry on top of my day.

Credit: Just Jared

In less interesting news, Nick Lachey (formerly known as Mr. Jessica Simpson) and Vanessa Minnillo announced their engagement after four years of dating and a short-lived break up in between.

Is it just me or do they make one of the most boring couples in Hollywood?

I don't mind stability - even though it's less newsworthy - but in general, I couldn't care less about what Minnillo is wearing or how Lachey is attempting to resurrect his career by hosting terrible reality shows. I need at least one of them to come up with something intriguing like a hidden sex tape or the revelation that Minnillo is really a man (would we actually be that shocked though??)

So I suppose congratulations is in order for the dull-yet-seemingly-happy couple. I look forward to even more boring wedding photos followed by absurdly tedious baby bump rumors.

Thank you, LeAnn and Eddie, for spicing up the Hollywood dating scene with your infidelity. Keep up the good work and maybe make a sequel to "Northern Lights" while you're at it.

Brandi Glanville is finally ready to face 'husband stealer' LeAnn Rimes

Mail Online

Miley Cyrus & Liam Hemsworth Split – Again - Couples, Liam Hemsworth, Miley Cyrus

People.com

LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian Engaged!

E! Online

She's Got the Magic Stick

Courtesy: Peacefmonline.com

If 50 can hit it once, he can most certainly hit twice.

Rumors abound that Chelsea Handler (of hilarious "Chelsea Lately" fame) has officially been hit a time or two by Mr. Cent himself. "Lately" comedians have scripted several skits about the milk chocolate duo but neither entertainer has come forward to confirm or deny the hook ups.

So let's separate fact from fiction, shall we?

• FACT: Chelsea's got jungle fever out the wazoo. Take five minutes of your time to read any of her alcohol-laden books and you'll see that whenever she finds herself itching for some lovin', a dark and stormy suitor is never far out of reach.
  
  
• FACT: The two have been spotted canoodling at least three times on both coasts at public and private parties. Chances are Mr. Cent took Ms. Chandler to the Candy Shop once or twice after said shindigs.
  
  
• FACT: Fiddy made a cameo appearance on "Chelsea Lately" last night while Handler was photographed stocking up on condoms just hours before (double bag that shiz, Chels!)
  
  
• FICTION: 50 Cent only hooks up with "ladies of color". Yes, he did date Vivica A. Fox for some time and definitely features ladies with junk in their trunk in his music videos. But that doesn't mean Fiddy can't tell some good lovin' when he sees it. 

And let's be honest - Chelsea Handler has quite the reputation.

I think it's wonderful that these two have found luuurve in between the sheets. The most mismatched pairs often make the most entertaining couples to watch. 

Who didn't do a double take when Courtney Cox and David Arquette announced they were getting it on? Granted, 11 years later things didn't quite turn out the way they planned. But neither Cent nor Handler make any claims that they are looking for Mr./Mrs. Right. Both have a solid reputation for a hit-it-and-quit-it type of attitude and I, for one, commend them for their honesty.

Credit: laurenandcaseyparks.blogspot.com

The only thing that could make this twosome any better was if a sex tape emerged with footage of Handler getting it on with Fiddy and her little nugget of an assistant, Chuy Bravo (see right). Not only would this fit right in with her playgirl persona, but Handler would make a fortune off the footage.

And I would personally spend much more than a 50 Cent piece to catch a glimpse or two of that G-Unit action.

You get it, girl!

NBC Picks Up Chelsea Handler Comedy!!!

Deadline.com

SIGHting | PerezHilton.com

PerezHilton.com

Demi Lovato in Rehab: Why She Went

People.com

Taylor Swift's 'Speak Now' sells a million copies in first week

EW.com

Camille Grammer Talks About Divorcing Kelsey Grammer

People.com

Betty White Is In Favor Of Gay Marriage!

PerezHilton.com

News - Billy Ray Cyrus Files for Divorce From Wife Tish After 17 Years

UsMagazine.com

Mariah Carey Finally Confirms Pregnancy

UsMagazine.com

Rep: Blake Lively, Penn Badgley Split!

UsMagazine.com

Sweet Transvestites

Caption: aceshowbiz.com

After much antici.....pation over the Glee Rocky Horror-themed Halloween episode (my 2nd favorite holiday of the year - with my birthday being #1), the day finally arrived. Fishnets were donned and wine was consumed to mark the occasion in this Dirt Dishing household.

And I must say - Ryan Murphy (Glee creator) did not disappoint.

From the second I saw Rachel's painted lips in the opening credits, I knew this was an episode done right. The classics were performed with the usual Glee twist and the show cleverly wove its own emotional story lines into the sweet transvestism of the Rocky Horror legend.

The show also touched upon the musical's risqué content and what we should and shouldn't be exposing our kids to at such a young age. The plot was poignant in that the show itself airs in the 8pm time slot when many kiddies are not yet in bed and, as such, are watching Glee along with the rest of us 20-somethings.

So why does the thought of high school kids celebrating the 25th anniversary of a revolutionary musical scare the bejeezus out of so many people?

I understand that, in the play, Dr. Frankenfurter (the pivotal sweet transvestite) sleeps with both men and women, all while wearing a corset. And I realize that the star virgin loses said maidenhood in a water tank to a half-human man wearing gold lame spandex shorts. But who hasn't experienced that in real life by the time they're 16?

Spandex aside, I say BRAVO! to the cast and writers of Glee for putting on an amazing production of one of my all-time favorites. I'll personally be singing Touch-A-Touch-A-Touch-Me well into the night as I wait for my Rocky to discover me.

Happy Halloween, folks! Magenta, out.

Eff the F Word

Smoking in Mad Men.

Saying "gay" in the new Vince Vaughan movie.

The dreaded "n" word in Roots.

For fear of overquoting the ladies of The View, are we as a society expecting too much from our entertainment sources?

Musicians like Eminem and Marilyn Manson were vilified after Columbine for allegedly putting homicidal thoughts into the impressionable minds of the high school shooters. Britney Spears was charged with corrupting school girls around the globe after the debut of her "Hit Me Baby One More Time" video (I still have the skirt). Shows like "Gossip Girl" and "90210" appear to glorify premarital sex and underage drinking, thereby, influencing their viewers to do the same.

Or is it all crap?

I can guarantee that underage sex was around long before "Gossip Girl", "The OC" or even "Leave It To Beaver". That last title alone was suggestive enough for some mid-50's teens. And Eminem wasn't the first person to verbalize his hate for an ex-wife.

So why is it that the PTA's of the world are looking to Hollywood as the reason for their children's corruption?

I agree that Miley Cyrus' pole dance at the Teen Choice Awards wasn't the wisest decision. Nor were her half nude pictures with her father in Vanity Fair. They are southern, after all.

However, neither of those decisions should affect whether or not Susie Q from Springfield, MO decides to sext a boy from her 5th grade class in order to get his attention. The fact that she's sexting at all with little to no parental supervision is the real issue here.

I know technology's gotten way out of hand and parents are having issues keeping up. And with artists like Justin Bieber writing lyrics about getting a girl's first dance as a euphemism for her first..."dance"...it's understandable that moms and dads feel like they are at a loss for control. But that doesn't mean that we should censor ourselves completely just because society is choosing to march onward.

I recently learned that the movie Roots has bleeped out the "n" word due to it's un-PCness. As a half African-American (don't you wish you knew what the other half was?), I think this is absurd. The whole point of Roots is to highlight a section of our American history that cannot be erased and to demonstrate the idiocy of bigotry and hate. As such, the "n" word is actually an integral part of the movie's overarching message.

To bleep it out would be like separating Mary Kate from Ashley Olsen. One just doesn't make sense without the other.

Critics have also jumped on Mad Men for romanticizing smoking and drinking on the job. But without a glass of scotch, could any of us REALLY get through our work day? I know I certainly couldn't.

While I agree that folks like "The Girls Next Door" are a blight on humanity (just the new ones, Kendra's cool), I think we may have leaned a bit too far to the right.

We can't seriously blame Kanye West for inspiring all the d-bags of the world. And we can't blame Marilyn Manson for causing two disturbed young men to make horrific decisions. What we can do is take responsibility for our own families and hit the off button during TV hour if you don't like Katy Perry's boobaliciousness on Sesame Street.

Meanwhile, I will continue to drink my scotch during the work day and whip my hair back and forth because I want to - and not because Willow Smith is just so damn infectious with her hot beats.

Showbiz :: Johnny Depp pays for pirate crew's winter jackets

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Girls Gone Crazy

Credit: Gearlive.com

Since girls gone wild simply suggests college co-eds making poor decisions, I decided to go with the full on crazy. Because when you're talking about such ladies (and I use the term loosely) as Taylor Momsen, Lindsay Lohan and Miley Cyrus, girls gone crazy is really the only description possible.

Just this morning I told a coworker/life partner that I refused to write about Ms. Lohan again. And I meant it until I saw the picture to the right. When did Lindsay and Taylor Momsen (of Gossip Girl fame) become friends?? Clearly before Lindsay's most recent stint in rehab, but either way it's bad news bears for all.

Momsen used to be a wholesome, up-and-coming actress looking to make her mark on Hollywood. Now she's a 17-year-old gutter punk who is fired up about porn and masturbation.

I get it. Being edgy is cool and wearing torn fishnets and more eyeliner than Ozzy Osbourne shows just how rocker chic you can be. But does anyone need to know just how much you enjoy masturbation? Momsen treats these magazine interviews as bar side chats, telling reporters things that my best friend of 15 years doesn't know about me. And he knows a LOT.

In her interview, Momsen criticized the Pam Anderson/Tommy Lee porn tape as being mediocre and said that she would never "f^ck" Tommy Lee because of it. Maybe I missed the memo but did anyone ask her to? Beyond the gross factor, she is still a minor and I think Tommy Lee would be better served avoiding jail as his record isn't exactly clean.

And Miley Cyrus certainly isn't helping any. Her latest video - Who Owns My Heart - is rather confusing. I was confused because I couldn't figure out where her pants were.

I get being in the bathroom in your underwear. I'm writing this blog post scantily clad from my bathroom as we speak. But throughout the entire video? On the dance floor, in a limo, on a pool table...all sans pants. I know Miley's birthday is next month, because I celebrate it with her every year, but she's still technically 17 and, therefore, may want to consider saving the money shots for later in her career.

Of course, this story would not be complete without Lindsay Lohan rounding out the trifecta. Our leading lady is currently residing at the Betty Ford clinic where she most recently attempted an escape in order to purchase a Coca-Cola from the vending machine.

There are no words.

With these ladies running the entertainment industry, I don't see how we could possibly go wrong. You know those days when you wake up and think to yourself "if only I could see a minor half-naked and saying inappropriate things right now..." Well wish no more because Taylor, Miley, and Lindsay - an adult by legal standards only - are all happy to oblige.

Maybe I'm getting more conservative in my old age. But discussions of one's porn fetishes are best reserved for intimate nights between you and your resident dominatrix. I'm just saying.

New Rihanna!!!! | "Only Girl" Video - Makes Me Want to Head to a Gay Club!

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HOT!!!

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Is Monogamy Realistic?

Credit: Realbollywood.com

Are two people actually meant to sleep with one another - and no one else - for their entire lives? That was the leading question on the "Today Show" this morning. Apparently when Courtney Cox and David Arquette's 11 year marriage crumbles, Today Show correspondents run scrambling for the nearest existential question to validate the wave of pro-polygamist reality shows flooding cable television. 

As "Today" explained it, marriage was first created as a business arrangement to  signify the ownership of women as property and legitimize paternity for family lines. But as Maury Povich has proven time and time again, a marriage certificate no longer guarantees a husband's role as baby daddy. 

Credit: Bittenandbound.com

I heard a new stat today that 1/3 marriages end in divorce or separation within the first ten years. I can only assume that number then goes up although I don't have any studies to back me up. 

Arquette told Howard Stern this morning that he and his wife hadn't had sex in over four months, which contributed to their current separation. As the ladies of "The View" said today, once the sex goes (if you're into that sort of thing) you should start worrying.

Fueling the separation fire this week is Christina Aguilera and her producer-husband Jordan Bratman. They just announced their split as well prompting another round of chatter about whether or not relationships can really last.

Are we hard wired as a society to attach to someone for a certain period of time, but not stay with them for the long haul? If my track record is any indication, the answer is a definite yes. But that doesn't mean that I'm discounting a life long commitment altogether.

Then again, I don't have the pressure of paparazzi examining my ring finger when I leave the house every morning or Photoshopping pictures of me with my main squeeze to "prove" that we're on the outs. Business relationship or not, many marriages do stand the test of time but those simply aren't the ones we hear about.

Do you know what Annette Benning and Warren Beatty have been up to lately? No, because they are happily married ergo boring to the In Touches and Us Weeklies of the world. Did you see Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell out at dinner last night? No, because the paparazzi were too busy stalking Courtney Cox on the set of Cougar Town. 

I bet she regrets the day she agreed to do a show with that title.

Maybe I just want to see a return of "Friends" but I think this trial separation for Cox and Arquette could be a great thing. Think about it - Jennifer Aniston and Courtney Cox are besties. Now they are both in their 40s, single, and ready to run LA like it's their own personal playground. If I were them, I would start with the Las Vegas boys of Thunder Down Under and work my way west. I mean, why not?

Ladies - I suggest we all dig up our Britney Spears-inspired school girl uniforms (you know you have them) and hit the college campus scene in a big way. 

Us cougars have to stick together!

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As Cruel As School Children

Dane Cook Takes A Stand Against Bullying

Every celeb and their mom (literally) is coming out with their own childhood traumas about bullying and being made to feel like an outsider.

It's devastating that it has taken the recent tragedies in the media to shed light on something that's been happening for decades. Though we are told to embrace our differences and appreciate what makes us each unique and beautiful, there are thousands of kids everyday who are being teased relentlessly for not shedding their individuality for the sake of being accepted.

Nowadays you can be teased for having red hair, wearing colorful socks, being too tall, being too fat, being too thin, being too short or - heaven forbid - being gay. Shows like Glee work to bring attention to the schoolyard "misfits" of the world to tell them that it's OK to be different. But a popular show with catchy ballads isn't enough to eradicate the pain that is being caused everyday by the bullies who take out their own insecurities on people who can't defend themselves.

And bullying isn't limited to recess and walks home after school. Just this week, two Staten Island men attacked a 34-year-old man in the restroom of NYC's Stonewall Inn, known as the birthplace of the gay rights movement. The victim, Benjamin Carver, fought back and the men are now facing assault charges as hate crimes plus attempted robbery.

But not many people are as brave or prepared as Carver to defend themselves and win and that is when we learn about the Matthew Shepards of the world.

All of these acts can be broken down into one simple word: SENSELESS.

In the video above, Dane Cook calls for everyone to take action and stand up for someone else who may not be able to stand up for themselves. And that is a great call to action from one of my most beloved entertainers. But it's simply not enough.

These kids and poor excuses for adults will not stop until we take action. No innocent person should have to look over their shoulder when walking down the street for fear of being persecuted for being themselves.

Prevention is worth more than the cure. If parents won't take responsibility for their kids' bad behavior, then the onus must fall on the teachers, principals and support staff to engage in regular dialog and stop this nonsense before it starts. Once a person falls victim to bullying, the damage is already done. We must mobilize our friends, our families and everyone we've ever met to stamp out this moronic behavior.

And we must do so before it results in more irreparable harm and senseless deaths that an "I'm sorry" will never be able to fix.

Betty White: You're Never Too Old for Sexual Desire - Betty White

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What's Love Got To Do With It?

Credit: Engagements.ca

When battling the Hollywood machine, one must wonder if any celeb couples truly have enough love to make their high profile relationships work.


We've witnessed too many crashes and burns to count - Brad and Jen, Sandra and Jesse, Tiger and Elin, Susan and Tim. Some couples fell victim to the ravages of conflicting schedules and drifting ideals, while others succumbed to the cliche of the wandering eye. 


Whatever the reason, Hollywood's relationship dissolution chart continues to climb faster than the nation's already staggering divorce rates. It makes you wonder if we're better off leaning towards the tried and true George Clooney method of an active and ever-changing love life. At least he seems consistently happy.


Susan Sarandon put it well when she recently said, "You bring people into your life at certain times. Maybe you have a relationship to have children, and you realize that it's fulfilled after that point." 


"Your relationship with people...has to be a growing organism," she continues. "It's not something where you reach a certain point and then you start preserving it. You have to nurture it, you have to stay curious and hungry and foolish. Once you stop doing that, you get satisfied, and you get stuck." 


The latest couple to face the rumor mill's divorce rumblings is Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore (my unofficial, cougarriffic life coach). With scandal surrounding Ashton's alleged infidelities, the couple can't seem to enjoy a simple night out at the movies without being pitied for putting on a brave face. 


I haven't been privy to Ashton's sexual escapades as of late but is it all too optimistic of this Dirt Dishing Dame to believe that perhaps Kutcher should be held innocent until proven guilty? As of right now, we have only the musings of an admittedly "obsessed" fan claiming she has text messages from a man saved as Ashton in her phone.


Not to call the 'lil lady a liar, but I could easily save my college dorm mate, Dustin, in my phone as "Johnny Depp" and send a variety of suggestive texts to him in the hopes that my self-deception will somehow become a reality. I'm just saying. 


But should it really be so easy to stir up these headlines anyway? At the end of the day, I worry that love doesn't have a whole heckuva lot to do with many of these Hollywood unions. Not that deeply committed couples don't split up everyday, because they do, but all too often you see lackadaisical celebs hopping in and out of marriage like a merry-go-round with the attitude that if it doesn't work you can always hire Liz Taylor's divorce attorney and move on. 


I'm not a traditionalist and I'm not even a huge proponent of marriage (for myself at least) but for those who do get hitched, I'd hope they're doing it for the right reasons to at least preserve the sanctity of it for others. 


There are too many folks out there (gay Americans unite!) who want nothing more than the legal right to say "I do" to their one true love. So I'm a bit discouraged by those making a mockery of the institution just because they can and say "I do" when they should be screaming "I don't - or at least let's talk about this" first. 


To Demi and Ashton - don't let the man get you down. Age difference or no, you guys seem to have it together in a way that Britney Spears and Charlie Sheen do not. So if you find yourselves struggling because of the paparazzi outside your door, ask yourself what love's got to do with it and pack it in for the night. 


If Bruce Willis backs your union, then so do I.

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Absent Due to Mourning...(Lindsay's Career)

La Dirt Dishing Dame has been gone for far too long. And I blame Lindsay Lohan.

Who can keep up with this girl? And, more importantly, who even wants to anymore. I can still tap into the memories of my friends and I gathering every Wednesday in our pink shirts sipping diet Sunkist martinis and watching Lindsay play the brilliantly portrayed Cady Heron in "Mean Girls".

So much promise for the future. I believe when Obama channeled hope in his Presidential campaign, he was thinking of Lindsay Lohan. (Democrats all over the world, please forgive the blasphemy).

Gone is the hope and with it, any semblance of a career for the redhead-turned-coke-fiend. After being released early from jail and a court-mandated rehab (mistake #1 and mistake #2), Lohan had a rather just set of probationary terms including - wait for it - sobriety.

But as last week's failed drug test showed, that stipulation proved to be a bit too much for our little thespian.

The world should blame Michael Lohan. What girl stands a chance at making it when her idiot father with an arrest record longer than her own takes to the pages of Us Weekly whenever Lindsay sets foot outside the house. She can't even make a funny, recorded bit with Chelsea Handler for the MTV Video Music Awards without Papa Lohan sending out his thankful prayers via Ryan Seacrest the next day, announcing to the world that Lindsay is back.

Well Michael, if by "Lindsay is back" you mean "Lindsay is due back in court", then you are absoLUTEly correct. Her next court date is set for October 22nd where a judge will determine her fate yet again.

Her options currently include being sent back to jail for the fourth time (this year), put under house arrest, committed to a rehab with better locks or opting to be adopted by the Jolie-Pitt family who seem to be doing much better with their child rearing than Michael and Dina Lohan.

Although if Lindsay gets adopted by the Jolie-Pitts before I do, I quit.

I wanted to send out some sage advice for Lindsay on how to turn her life around and reclaim the positive future that was once hers. But she has enough of that coming from such qualified professionals like Love Line's Dr. Drew and 24-year-old retired actress Amanda Bynes.

What Lindsay really needs is the truth. You're nothing these days if you don't have a reality show. So if you're going to do coke and fail drug tests, at least follow the trodden path of thousands before you and make sure it's televised.

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People.com

Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher Defy Talk of Marriage Trouble - Couples, Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore : People.com

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When Did Susan Sarandon Become So Cool?!

Credit: OC Register

It feels like just yesterday when I first saw Susan lose her virginity to a sweet transvestite in the "Rocky Horror Picture Show".

Fast forward a few decades and Sarandon is a global powerhouse, dominating red carpets and ping pong tables across the nation.

Yes, I said ping pong tables. Sarandon is part owner of the SPiN franchise, a premier ping-pong club located in LA, NYC, Milwaukee and - hopefully - my living room if I play my cards right. Players can purchase an annual membership to pong the night away with no limits or they can pay-per-play. All this table tennis excitement comes with a DJ, full bar and go-fers scurrying to catch runaway balls while wearing T-shirts that actually say "Balls Are My Business". The most profound words I've ever heard.

Balls aside, Sarandon has shown a side of herself that few "Dead Man Walking" fans ever knew existed. Who can forget the SNL parody "Mother Lover" where Sarandon got the chance to redefine what it means to be a MILF - all while being felt up by Justin Timberlake (luckyyyyyyy).

She can also be found any given weekend at a Scissor Sisters or Arcade Fire concert rocking out harder than the tweeny boppers. Sarandon even recently treated her son and daughter to a family field trip to the tattoo parlor. Along with her kids' names inked down her spine, she has a small wrist tattoo of ANDAND that stands for "A New Dawn, A New Day".

Perhaps her new life mantra alludes to her split with partner of 23 years, Tim Robbins. The two lived happily unmarried until their unexpected break up late last year. But don't expect that to slow her down any.

Rumors abound that she's now shtooping her ping pong business partner. While they both adamantly deny these reports, they do admit how close they are both personally and professionally.

The biggest media issue seems to be their age difference (32 years to be exact) more than their mutual love for ping pong. Which takes us into the double standard of why it's OK for Michael Douglas to marry Catherine Zeta Jones, a woman 25 years his junior, while the Demi Moores of the world are labeled "cougar", "puma", or my personal moniker "cougar in training".

I'm not jumping onto any soap boxes anytime soon. But if a lady wants to get it on with a man half her age, I say ride 'em cowboy (Justin Bieber - call me when you're legal!!)

I may not know much about this world...but I do know I want to be Susan Sarandon when I grow up.

MTV VMAs Ratings Record: 11.4 Million Viewers, Best Since 2002

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Nine Awards and One Meat Dress Later...

Credit: Japan Vogue

Tinseltown is a-Twitter (literally and figuratively) about last night's VMA's. From Lady Gaga's announcement of her new album "Born This Way" to Kanye and Taylor Swift's truce, no fan base was left without something to Tweet.

I personally found it difficult to concentrate after Justin Bieber's babe-o-riffic drum solo. Yes Justin, when "U Smile", I smile.

But statutory limitations aside, the 2010 VMA's left little to be desired. Chelsea Handler found herself in quite a pickle after jumping into a Jersey Shore-filled hot tub only to leave minutes later with a bun in the oven. Well done, Ms. Handler.

Hats off to the first woman to ever host the VMA's. She may have been a little nervous, but she certainly left us with several memorable one liners and video skits. As a Jersey native, she exercised her hometown authority to dub the Jersey Shore cast as "America's Greasiest Sweethearts: Dumbing down America one spray tan @ a time. I never knew there were so many shades of orange."

And our resident alcoholic Miss Lindsay Lohan found a new method of sneaking into the limelight yet again. She resurfaced in a taped skit with Handler where she chastised the VMA host for drinking on the job and setting off her SCRAM ankle monitor. You better listen to her, Chels - Lindsay knows what she's talking about.

Of course Michael Lohan was ready to grab the closest mic he could find to sing Lindsay's praises and thank God for her miraculous comeback. NOTE TO MICHAEL: Let Lindsay celebrate a one month anniversary of being coke-free before cracking open that bottle of champagne. Oh - and good luck setting up your California rehab. I'm sure recovering addicts around the world are clamoring for your love and support.

I would be remiss if I didn't "have a toast for the douchebags" in honor of the oh-so-deep Kanye West. According to some, last night was the best comeback he could have made with his tribute song to Miss Swift. According to many others (aka me and my dirt dishing posse), this was the latest in a series of PR ploys for the "retired" rapper.

Taylor was exceedingly gracious in her tribute song, calling Kanye an innocent and reassuring him that "who you are is not what you did". Bravo, Taylor. Way to show maturity beyond your young years. But I'm going to predict that his social gaffe with you at the 2009 VMA's will not be the last we hear from Kanye's ego.

So while Kanye toasts to the assholes, douchebags and jerkoffs of the world (Kanye 1, Kanye 2 and Kanye 3), I'm going to pour a little Hennessey out and raise a glass for our very own Lil Wayne. He's now halfway through his one year jail sentence and, alas, could not make an appearance last night.

Wayne-sy - You may not have made it to this year's awards show but as long as you haven't dropped the soap, I'd call it a good day overall!

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John Travolta's "Sexual Secrets"

Credit: Cinematical.com

John Travolta’s sexuality has been the subject of intense media scrutiny for years. Since he rocketed to fame in the early days of “Grease” and “Saturday Night Fever”, Travolta has been both a sex icon and a sexual question (?) mark. 


His choice in playing the mother in “Hairspray” certainly didn't help matters. And these latest rumblings are yet another attempt to discredit Travolta as an actor and cultural icon.

These rumors, along with the many others before them, are not reliable. A Scientologist - yes. A bathhouse loving homosexual - doubtful with-a-side-of-WTF for the sources of said information. But the Enquirer is one of these main sources and they are quickly becoming a dominating "news" force. 


Unfortunately, since they first broke the John Edwards sex scandal, the Enquirer's credibility has been on a steady incline for what was once known as nothing but a trash gossip rag. And now with Travolta’s wife due to deliver twins any day, the media is ripe with fodder about Travolta’s “sexual secrets”.

And what if the man is gay? Either way, the entertainment industry will continue to love him. While there would be fall out from him cheating on his wife, almost everything now pales in comparison to Tiger Woods' scandal for the ages.  


But his career could easily rebound from the scandal. If Hollywood can accept that Travolta believes we are all from planet Xenu (ala the Scientologist teachings), they can certainly accept that he prefers sausage instead of fish.

I digress. For now, it is all speculation with nothing more than a few fuzzy photos to "prove" that he loves having sex with men. Chances are we'll see a Katie Holmes exclusive interview with Matt Lauer citing her shock that Tom Cruise and Zac Efron are secret lovers before we get any solid proof about Travolta's indiscretions. 


And if I'm wrong, I'll watch "Pulp Fiction" and give a toast to Travolta's newly sequined life.