The Ultimate Homewrecker

Credit: Deathby1000papercuts.com

Dear Rielle Hunter, Skanks 'R' Us called and said they're looking for a new spokesperson. Interested?

On today's Good Morning America, a seemingly high-as-a-kite Rielle Hunter revealed that as of last week, she and John Edwards are "still a family, but no longer a couple."

And the world weeps.

Color me shocked on this bombshell since so many relationships that begin under a cloud of infidelity tend to go the distance. Who wouldn't want to be with such a stand up guy who cheats on his dying wife with a hooker from his campaign?

But Rielle took this morning's moment in the spotlight to hawk the idea that she and John are both "real humans" with real emotions, who were swept up in a sea of love.

And by sea of love, she meant a box of Viagra and too much time on their hands.

She then added insult to injury by advocating for Edwards, stating that he's not a demon and his deceased wife wasn't all that innocent. According to Hunter, Elizabeth Edwards used her kids as pawns in a play for John's attention.

Hey Rielle, remember your 2010 interview with Oprah about your baby daddy drama?

Pot. Kettle. Black.

This latest string of TV appearances comes on the heels of Hunter's book tour, where she's attempting to sell her story to the public so everyone can get to know the "real Rielle".

She could have saved herself the time of writing an actual book and just posed for Playboy. That would have communicated the same, deep message that no one wants to read or see to begin with.

The real victim in all this is the 4-year-old girl that was spawned from Hunter and Edwards' dirty loins. That poor child was born into a flying shit storm that will never reach its calm as long as the National Enquirer stays in business.

Hunter should take a page from Michael Jackson's parenting book and put a paper bag on that little girl's face to maintain her anonymity. And while Rielle is at it, she should do the same for herself.

Edwards has been eerily quiet throughout this entire ordeal. Most likely because he has zero credibility left with the American public and his own children take swings at John Edwards-themed pinatas during every holiday celebration.

I hope these two find their way back to one another, since I can't imagine who else would date either of them. Although, even Chris Brown was able to find himself a girlfriend in his post-Rihanna world, so maybe people really are that desperate.

I pity the fool who decides to take on John Edwards as a rebound. With no political clout to back him up, he's really just the glorified Gary Coleman of the Democratic party. And that's definitely not saying much.

Maybe he'll channel Stella and get his groove back one day. But with Rielle as a constant in his life, he's guaranteed a life of mediocrity and STDs.

To the Good Morning America team: Apologies you had to sit through that interview. And please sterilize everything in your studio lest you accidentally catch syphilis of the arm after shaking hands with Ms. Hunter.

It Pays to BelieB

Courtesy: JustinBieberZone.com

He's done it again! Transcending baby mama drama, paparazzi fights and run in's with glass doors, the Biebs has proven that there's nothing he can't do. His third album, Believe, debuted at #1 in 34 countries just two days after its release.

If that's not a reason to belieb, I don't know what is.

As Justin swags his way onto our car stereos, even non-Beliebers are saying that homeboy's got skillz. He tackles pop, R&B, and even dubstep in his latest musical venture.

And it's actually GOOD!

On the album's deluxe version (which, of course, I bought), the final track addresses the baby mama issues that Justin had to suffer through last year. 


And it's hilarious. Think "Billie Jean" meets "SexyBack" sung with an angsty twist by an 18-year-old. But don't take my word for it - check out the song for yourself:

For all the haters who think Justin is too young to sing about love, remember that he really has been "All Around the World" and is somebody's "Boyfriend" (that lucky bitch). Homegirl is just writing about what he knows, from the heart.

And the best part is, Justin hasn't changed. Yeah, he's older and his voice is an octave or two lower. But he's still the same "man" I fell in love with three years ago (don't do the math - but yes, he was 15). 

A New York Daily News reporter put it best in an album review stating, "[Justin's] still the smitten pursuer, promising undying love to anyone who'll be his girl. It's enough to make the Backstreet Boys seem like date rapists."

As a Backstreet Boys fan, I take absolutely no offense to that statement. I do, however, take offense to 98 Degrees reuniting (unrelated, but true).

To all non-Beliebers in the world, go check out "Believe" anyway. You won't be disappointed. 

And in case you are, you can do what my brother suggests and use the album as a coaster for your beer. Either way, it'll be the best $14.99 you've ever spent.

#BelieberFever

An Ovarian Eruption

Credit: Moveiplanner.com

Don't worry - I totes mean the good kind of ovarian eruption...

Ladies and gentlemen, I present the cast of "Magic Mike" - Hollywood's gift to sexually repressed women all over the globe.

Who needs Christian Grey when you've got five of the hottest young actors playing strippers on the big screen??

I think I'm having a hot flash just looking at this photo.

For those of you who are unaware of the film, we have Channing Tatum (center) of "Step Up", "G.I. Joe" and "The Vow" fame playing a lead stripper in the soon-to-be summer blockbuster.

What's the plot of the movie, you ask? Who gives a sh!t.

And if that weren't enough, he's joined by Joe Manganiello ("True Blood"), Matt Bomer ("White Collar"...yes, his last name is BoMer), Matthew McConaughey (naked bongo player), and Alex Pettyfer (from "I Am Number Four", which came in at number 20 in the box office...)

Whether or not you know of these men won't really matter once you see them shake their bon bons on stage for our viewing pleasure.

From what I can gather of the plot (for those of you who care about that sort of thing), Channing Tatum is trying to teach Alex Pettyfer how to party, hit on chicks, and make easy money.

And... that's about it. I'm frankly surprised that the director chose to include dialog at all. Won't that just distract us from the view?

It's about time that a movie like this was made. I'm tired of seeing a slew of ta-tas on the big and small screens with little-to-no reciprocity from our male leads. A random butt shot of Eric or Bill in "True Blood" is only going to take me so far, especially when I'm then subjected to 20 minutes of full frontal from Anna Paquin.

Where's the justice? The equality? Where are all the hot MEN?

Even my favorite lesbian talk show host, Ellen DeGeneres, understands Hollywood's oversight and regularly hosts male strippers on her show for all to see (please enjoy the video below).

So to whoever wrote the screenplay for Magic Mike: I applaud you! As do the loins of women all across America.

See you in theaters June 29th - I'll be the one sitting in the front row.

Wedding Party in the U.S.A.

Courtesy: PerezHilton.com

It's happening, y'all - Miley Cyrus, age 19, is gettin' hitched.

Liam Hemsworth, of "The Last Song" and "Hunger Games" fame, just put a ring on the Disney star who claimed she "Can't Be Tamed". I guess she just couldn't resist the Australian accent (who could?). Oh - plus he's hot.

The couple had a bit of a rocky start after a brief break up back in 2010. But leave it to the young lovebirds to find their way back to each other in Hollywood heaven. Next stop: the country alter.

I can only imagine how Papa Cyrus reacted when he first heard the news. I'm imagining something along the lines of how his ache-y break-y heart prays his little girl isn't knocked up.

Or maybe he just said congratulations, who really knows.

Miley is really hitting the jackpot with this one. Not only is her beau a hottie, but her future brother-in-law (Chris Hemsworth aka Thor/The Huntsman/man candy) brings sexy back in a whole new way. Miley is basically marrying into a hotness explosion that you can't look at directly or your corneas will burst.

Well done, gurl. I didn't even know she had it in her. With her previous roster of boyfriends including a Jonas brother and a C-list underwear model, I was pretty sure she'd just fall to love's wayside and eventually get knocked up by a Kevin Federline look alike.

But color me surprised, she did it! She found love in the hopeless place we call Tinseltown. And she did it all before she could legally drink.

My hope for this young couple is that they have a lifetime of happiness and never lose sight of what's really important: prenups.

Because we all know a "lifetime" in Hollywood really means 2-5 years max with an ugly divorce battle and a Barbara Walters interview to follow.

Fingers crossed I get an invite to the bachelorette - it'll be quite the rodeo, I'm sure.

Congrats, y'all!