When Stars Collide - And Why They Shouldn't

Credit: Giant Magazine

Some collaborations are great - Michael Jackson and Paul McCartney, Frank Sinatra and Bing Crosby, anything ever sung by Finn and Rachel together on Glee.

And some collaborations are an affront to humanity.

Enter: Justin Bieber and Chris Brown - joining forces on TWO songs.

The world weeps.

Up until now, I could confidently say as a certified PR guru that Justin Bieber's career has been managed flawlessly. He skyrocketed to fame and crafted an adorable - even somewhat mischievous - image overnight, shattering records of music legends like Stevie Wonder and The Beatles.

So one would think his handlers would be smart enough to know when to pull the plug on a terrible idea.

I don't think I'm alone in thinking that Chris Brown is a total douchebag. Don't get me wrong - I'm all about forgiveness:

• Show up half an hour late to dinner? I'll survive.
• Forget to call me on my birthday? Buy me something pretty and we'll call it even.
• Beat me to a bloody pulp ala Chris Brown's documented abuse of Rihanna? I'm going to put foot to ass and make you eat your nutsack for breakfast, lunch AND dinner.

Given the scale of forgiveness I just laid out, Chris Brown is not high on my "turn the other cheek" list. Nor is America, given the loads of negative publicity he receives to this day.

Let's not forget his recent temper tantrum on Good Morning America when Robin Roberts merely mentioned the Rihanna incident.

I'll be the first to admit that his latest singles have a catchy beat. I found myself bopping along in the car one morning until I realized that "Chris Breezy" was code for Douchebag Brown. Then I quickly changed the station to Ryan Seacrest's soothing rant about why he loves royal weddings.

Clearly Brown is trying to repair his image by capitalizing on Justin's insanely huge fan base. And apparently Justin is too naive/starstuck/young to know any better.

But when it comes down to it, I love Justin Bieber WAY too much to ever give him up. However, the fact that he's blindly partnering with Chris Brown for his new album makes me question what my little Biebs is thinking.

The Bieber has even been quoted as saying that Rihanna is one of his #1 celebrity crushes. Way to croon out a ballad with the guy who pimpslapped her beyond recognition, JB.

I'm not mad - I'm disappointed. No one is perfect, not even my favorite tween sensation. But I expected more from him.

They teach you in church to love the sinner but not the sin. And, technically, my love for a 17-year-old is also a sin, at least according to most state laws.

So, let's just call this a wash?

Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver's Marriage: Terminated



Credit: 1.bp.blogspot.com



OK well maybe not "terminated", but their separation after 25 years of marriage certainly doesn't look good.

Arnold and Maria released a statement asking for the compassion and respect from the media and public regarding their split. I'm sorry but when you marry "The Terminator", there's only so much respect one can hope for.

No one likes to see marriages break up (exception: ScarJo and Ryan Reynolds - thank goodness that one's over!) My heart does go out to their family and legions of bipartisan married couples who figured "Maria and Arnold can make their political differences work, so why can't we?"

Whoopsies on that one - never model your marriage after a guy who won Mr. Universe.

The TODAY show mentioned that Maria's life/career is in flux now that she's no longer California's First Lady. But while she's deciding her next move, Arnold has already signed on for three new movie projects including a geriatric version of the "Terminator", where his biomechanic frame will most likely be hobbling around on crutches for the majority of the film.

Unfortunately for Maria - because she is brilliant, beautiful, and a Kennedy - her stock has plummeted since she married Arnold. She's well-respected as a journalist, but I can't imagine a long line of eligble bachelors waiting to take her out for fondue after being married to Arnold for 25 years. Who can possibly follow that one, good or bad?

I feel so terribly about this that I decided to make a list of potential suitors for Maria to help her get back on her feet. They include:

• Donald Trump - Maria can clearly handle being married to a Republican and she would do wonders for his reputation. Not to mention the fact that she's the only one with balls big enough to snatch that disgusting toupee right off his head. Yes, he's married, but to a child so it's about time he finds an adult-sized wife for himself.
• Charlie Sheen - He's one goddess down and could definitely use a little Kennedy pick-me-up. With her media appeal and his tiger blood, they would be unstoppable.
• Lindsay Lohan - Technically, Maria doesn't play for Lindsay's team. But who doesn't like a little experimentation once in a while? And Lindsay is about to be sentenced to house arrest for 120 days so she has plenty of free time to court Maria like a lady.
• Al Gore - Do I even have to explain this one? He's single, she's single, and they'd make beautiful eco-friendly, feminist babies together. This is the best inconvenient truth they could ever ask for.

With a reputation as a womanizer, I have no recommendations for Arnold's dating life. Other than the fact that he should never return to politics and, instead, focus on remaking some of his Oscar-worthy classics like "Kindergarten Cop".

Hasta la vista.