| Credit: Gearlive.com |
Just this morning I told a coworker/life partner that I refused to write about Ms. Lohan again. And I meant it until I saw the picture to the right. When did Lindsay and Taylor Momsen (of Gossip Girl fame) become friends?? Clearly before Lindsay's most recent stint in rehab, but either way it's bad news bears for all.
Momsen used to be a wholesome, up-and-coming actress looking to make her mark on Hollywood. Now she's a 17-year-old gutter punk who is fired up about porn and masturbation.
I get it. Being edgy is cool and wearing torn fishnets and more eyeliner than Ozzy Osbourne shows just how rocker chic you can be. But does anyone need to know just how much you enjoy masturbation? Momsen treats these magazine interviews as bar side chats, telling reporters things that my best friend of 15 years doesn't know about me. And he knows a LOT.
In her interview, Momsen criticized the Pam Anderson/Tommy Lee porn tape as being mediocre and said that she would never "f^ck" Tommy Lee because of it. Maybe I missed the memo but did anyone ask her to? Beyond the gross factor, she is still a minor and I think Tommy Lee would be better served avoiding jail as his record isn't exactly clean.
And Miley Cyrus certainly isn't helping any. Her latest video - Who Owns My Heart - is rather confusing. I was confused because I couldn't figure out where her pants were.
I get being in the bathroom in your underwear. I'm writing this blog post scantily clad from my bathroom as we speak. But throughout the entire video? On the dance floor, in a limo, on a pool table...all sans pants. I know Miley's birthday is next month, because I celebrate it with her every year, but she's still technically 17 and, therefore, may want to consider saving the money shots for later in her career.
Of course, this story would not be complete without Lindsay Lohan rounding out the trifecta. Our leading lady is currently residing at the Betty Ford clinic where she most recently attempted an escape in order to purchase a Coca-Cola from the vending machine.
There are no words.
With these ladies running the entertainment industry, I don't see how we could possibly go wrong. You know those days when you wake up and think to yourself "if only I could see a minor half-naked and saying inappropriate things right now..." Well wish no more because Taylor, Miley, and Lindsay - an adult by legal standards only - are all happy to oblige.
Maybe I'm getting more conservative in my old age. But discussions of one's porn fetishes are best reserved for intimate nights between you and your resident dominatrix. I'm just saying.
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