Nine Awards and One Meat Dress Later...

Credit: Japan Vogue

Tinseltown is a-Twitter (literally and figuratively) about last night's VMA's. From Lady Gaga's announcement of her new album "Born This Way" to Kanye and Taylor Swift's truce, no fan base was left without something to Tweet.

I personally found it difficult to concentrate after Justin Bieber's babe-o-riffic drum solo. Yes Justin, when "U Smile", I smile.

But statutory limitations aside, the 2010 VMA's left little to be desired. Chelsea Handler found herself in quite a pickle after jumping into a Jersey Shore-filled hot tub only to leave minutes later with a bun in the oven. Well done, Ms. Handler.

Hats off to the first woman to ever host the VMA's. She may have been a little nervous, but she certainly left us with several memorable one liners and video skits. As a Jersey native, she exercised her hometown authority to dub the Jersey Shore cast as "America's Greasiest Sweethearts: Dumbing down America one spray tan @ a time. I never knew there were so many shades of orange."

And our resident alcoholic Miss Lindsay Lohan found a new method of sneaking into the limelight yet again. She resurfaced in a taped skit with Handler where she chastised the VMA host for drinking on the job and setting off her SCRAM ankle monitor. You better listen to her, Chels - Lindsay knows what she's talking about.

Of course Michael Lohan was ready to grab the closest mic he could find to sing Lindsay's praises and thank God for her miraculous comeback. NOTE TO MICHAEL: Let Lindsay celebrate a one month anniversary of being coke-free before cracking open that bottle of champagne. Oh - and good luck setting up your California rehab. I'm sure recovering addicts around the world are clamoring for your love and support.

I would be remiss if I didn't "have a toast for the douchebags" in honor of the oh-so-deep Kanye West. According to some, last night was the best comeback he could have made with his tribute song to Miss Swift. According to many others (aka me and my dirt dishing posse), this was the latest in a series of PR ploys for the "retired" rapper.

Taylor was exceedingly gracious in her tribute song, calling Kanye an innocent and reassuring him that "who you are is not what you did". Bravo, Taylor. Way to show maturity beyond your young years. But I'm going to predict that his social gaffe with you at the 2009 VMA's will not be the last we hear from Kanye's ego.

So while Kanye toasts to the assholes, douchebags and jerkoffs of the world (Kanye 1, Kanye 2 and Kanye 3), I'm going to pour a little Hennessey out and raise a glass for our very own Lil Wayne. He's now halfway through his one year jail sentence and, alas, could not make an appearance last night.

Wayne-sy - You may not have made it to this year's awards show but as long as you haven't dropped the soap, I'd call it a good day overall!