My Top 10 for 2010

Collage by The Dirt Dishing Dame

After decking my halls with boughs of celebrity gossip, I decided it was time to pack it in the for year.

As a thank you to the celebrities who made this blog possible, I've compiled a list of my top 10 celeb contributions to the world of entertainment.

In true David Letterman fashion, let's begin the countdown (also see "bonus" section at the end):

10. Nicki Minaj. This woman makes having multiple personalities acceptable. Not to mention her "ill" rap skills and, of course, an ass that moves independent of her body. Bottoms up, girlfriend.

9. David Arquette. He recently admitted that he's been "drinking a lot" to get through his separation with Courtney Cox. I've been there, done that, as recently as last weekend to get over/under a man of my own. Thanks for showing solidarity, Davey.

8. The Back Up Plan. This movie, starring Jennifer Lopez, was forced upon me earlier this year by my BFF, Graham. I forced him to see "Valentine's Day" (my bad) in theaters so I owed him one. And I was pleasantly surprised! Who knew JLo could actually be a good actress? My faith is renewed.

7. Lindsay Lohan. Dear Lindsay, thank you for teaching me everything NOT to do in life. Every time I paint "F U" on my fingernails, I will raise my martini in your honor. Tell Betty Ford I said hey girl hey.

6. Charlie Sheen's Hotel Meltdown. Dear Charlie, thank you for being the anti-Lindsay. You've taught us that, unlike Lindsay, sometimes it's OK to go on drug binges, lock porn stars in the closet and still go back to work the next week. Let me know where you're partying for the New Year because it's bound to be a night to remember/forget.

5. Brangelina. They didn't add any kids to their brood this year but they kept it hot and spicy on the red carpet. I've never been so torn before - I would give anything to be their lover on the side and/or be adopted as their seventh child. Maybe a little bit from column A and B? I'll keep you posted.

4. Glee. While season 2 hasn't been as consistently good as season 1, I take my hat off to this show. The songs are great, the plot is timely and moving, and once I found out Darren Criss (Blaine) was straight in real life, I lost my sh!t. I still can't watch the Teenage Dream video or the Glee wedding episode without crying (tears of joy).

3. Whip My Hair by Willow Smith. This 10 year old girl rocks my world. Enough said.

2. Ellen Degeneres. Not only is this woman ridiculously funny and generous, but she and her staff flew me out to LA to make a complete ass of myself on national TV. My love for this woman knows no bounds. Watch out, Portia!

1. Betty White. This woman has made it OK to be an 88 year old cougar. If I grow up to be like her, I can officially call my life a success. Watch out, Robert Redford!

BONUS: The Dirt Dishing Dame's 2010 "Best's"

Best career comeback: Eminem.
I thought he was a goner after the "Relapse" album. But "Recovery" has me shaking my a$$ and crying at the same time when I hear one of his deeply personal rap ballads. I'm not afraid either, Emmy.

Best new artist: Justin Bieber.
I am the first to admit that my obsession with this 16-year-old is entirely unhealthy. Nevertheless, I will show this guy a whole new world if given the opportunity. JBiebs - when U Smile, I smile.


Best wedding: Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green.
As dysfunctional as these two are, they certainly did their Hawaiian wedding up right. I think they'll be in love for at least the next three weeks.

Best "relationship": Chelsea Handler and 50 Cent.
Handler keeps the laughs coming whenever she mentions her dark chocolate popsicle on the show.

Best break up: Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens.
I know you would have assumed ScarJo and Ry Ry, but enough was enough with Zefron. You can do SO much better than Vanessa. And once you meet me, you'll know that for sure :-)


That's all she wrote. I'm retiring until 2011 unless Lindsay decides to go on a bisexual bender before January 1...

Happy holidays, everyone!!

Van Wilder Is Now A Single Lady

Courtesy: Listal.com

Maybe dreams do come true?


It was only yesterday that I last blogged about Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens splitting up, leaving Efron vulnerable to my seductive charms. Now another Christmas-came-early gift has arrived. 


It was just announced that Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson are no more.


The pair tied the knot in September 2008 in a Vancouver ceremony after getting together the year before. They were one of the few Hollywood couples to successfully keep the details of their relationship under wraps. An ability that's hard to come by in today's Tweet-obsessed culture. 


But unlike Jay-Z and Beyonce, their quest for privacy did not protect them from the inevitable Hollywood-relationship demise. Reynolds' rep released a statement today stating:


"After long and careful consideration on both our parts, we've decided to end our marriage," they say in a joint statement. "We entered our relationship with love and it's with love and kindness we leave it. While privacy isn't expected, it's certainly appreciated." 


Ryan, while I'd love to give you everything you desire and more, privacy right now just isn't going to cut it. You're simply too hot.


Sources close to Johansson cite distance as one of the primary reasons for the couple's split. Hectic work schedules and bicoastal homes weren't quite doing it for the pair. Kendra Wilkinson (of Playboy fame) very often credits Skype sex for keeping her long distance marriage alive to NFL pro Hank Baskett. But apparently ScarJo and Ry Ry never got on board with the trend.


I know that the end of a marriage is a sad thing. I'm not completely cold-hearted (debatable, I know). But as a longtime fan of Reynolds and an ambivalent observer of ScarJo, I can't say I'm heartbroken. 


Honestly, I would have rather seen him tie the knot to one-time fiancée Alanis Morissette than settle down with Woody Allen's muse. 


I know that "technically" ScarJo isn't a homewrecking trollop despite her portrayal of said character in numerous films. But I also know that I'm not a big enough person to separate fact from fiction when I see her out and about. 


Or when Justin Timberlake killed her character in the "What Goes Around" video, I wasn't shedding any tears at the artistic imagery. I was just happy she was gone.


In reality, Ryan won't coming knocking at my door any second now that he's single (although I'm leaving it unlocked just in case). But there is at least an increased likelihood of a meaningless one night stand if I were to "stumble" across his next movie set. And I can get on board with those kinds of odds.


I'm truly sorry it didn't work out guys. But Ryan - please see my previous blog post for the number you can call to get in touch ;-)

Darren Criss Sings His Way Through His Rolling Stones Interview

He's crazy hot!

High School Musical Fans Are Crying Worldwide

And maybe I'm dead inside, but I couldn't be happier!

Courtesy: Disnology.com

For those of you in the San Francisco area, you may have witnessed a certain Dirt Dishing Dame out and about this weekend imbibing on a variety of "spirits".

This was in the hopes that if I consumed enough alcohol, I could erase certain feelings I've had for a young beau who shall remain nameless.

I'm sure I'll talk about him more on my E! True Hollywood Story as "the one who got away" when Ryan Seacrest tearfully asks about my life's biggest regrets. But let's circle back now to the topic at hand.

Imagine my surprise when my Hollywood sources informed me today that I may, in fact, not be alone forever. Because - wait for it - Zac Efron hottie-mc-hot is back on the market!!

Some of you may recognize him as a young Matthew Perry in the movie "17 Again". Others, who aren't embarrassed enough to deny this, may have first noticed Mr. Efron in his breakout role as Troy Bolton in High School Musical 1, 2 and 3.

I must admit, inappropriate thoughts went flying through my head when I saw Zac getting ready for the pretend Disney prom in High School Musical 3. He can pin a corsage on me any day of the week.

But every time I would get ready to declare my love, Disney-deadweight Vanessa Hudgens showed up by his side. The two had been dating since 2006 after they first met on the HSM set. According to Vanessa, they had an "instant connection" (aka hormones) that couldn't be denied.

Turns out it took him four years, but Zac is finally able to deny those pesky feelings after all. And just in time for my reawakening! I thought I could never love again but for Charlie St. Cloud*, anything is possible.

We all know from experience - break ups are hard. They take a certain amount of time, energy and red wine with a side of Ben & Jerry's to move on from the hurt. That being said, how hurt can Zac really be?

He's an international film star with a gorgeous physique and seemingly limitless potential as an actor. Vanessa Hudgens is just one bad movie away from putting a nail in her own acting coffin, with a lifeless singing career to match. Their jobs had them living on opposite ends of the globe for months at a time during the prime of their lives.

When you're in your teens, you have no business holding yourself back from all life has to offer. Unless you're dating Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie.

And I don't think that Brad or Angie would have stayed in a four-year relationship at age 20 knowing how many seeds they each still needed to sow, if you catch my drift.

I have no problem volunteering to be Zac's next seed sower. He's probably not looking to settle down and I certainly don't need him to put a ring on it. Give me a couple weeks of poor decisions and a "questionable" video that I can leak to RadarOnline and we'll call it a day.

Zac - you can give me a call ANYTIME at 867-5309.

*A movie reference for a film released earlier this year. And no matter how hot Zac is, 

it's not worth going to see. Save yourselves while you still can.

Ozzy Osbourne: Who the F*ck is Justin Bieber??

Watch video here! Even I had to laugh ;-)

Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens Split!!

Their pain; my gain

Girl on Girl Inaction

Courtesy: realbollywood.com

If she's told us once, she's told us a thousand times - the Big O is no lesbian. 

Not that there would be any issue if she were. In fact, Oprah would probably be the first person to tell us if she decided to bat for the other team: 

"I'm not even kind of a lesbian," the talk show queen, 56, tells Walters. "And the reason why [the rumor] irritates me is because it means that somebody must think I'm lying. That's No. 1. No. 2 ... why would you want to hide it? That is not the way I run my life."

So why is it such a big deal to the Star's and National Enquirer's of the world to try and take down this daytime diva? 

By suggesting that Oprah is gay, the media is insinuating that homosexuality is a flaw worthy of ridicule. And I think my friends at disco brunch would beg to differ.

Perhaps it's because Oprah and Ellen Degeneres are recently minted BFF's. But as Ellen continues through the eighth season of her wildly successful talk show, one can assume that her lesbianism isn't a career-ending revelation.

The rumors began swirling again when Oprah and Gayle went camping earlier this fall. But if camping makes you gay, then Sarah Palin and her entire family will be two-stepping out of the closet any day now.

So what is it about our Op-ster that screams "lesbian" to so many people? 

Maybe it's because she and Stedman never married. Although honestly, if you were Oprah, would you want to share your self-made wealth with anyone else? There aren't enough pre-nups in the world for all of her millions. 

And Stedman seems to be quite content that Oprah never put a ring on it. So it seems a tad inappropriate for us to demand it of her on his behalf.

I think the Human Rights Campaign (a national association that advocates for the LGBT community) should give Oprah an honorary lesbian badge for all that she's endured. Never before have I seen someone so hounded for being straight. 

I pride myself on being a gay man trapped in a woman's body. And maybe it's because I'm not the host of a 25-year-old talk show but Barbara Walters has never called me to ask for an interview about it. 

Attention, tabloids: let Oprah enjoy her heterosexuality in peace. There will be plenty of other Hollywood lesbians to come out of the closet in due time.

Kelsey Grammar Engaged Already!

Camille's Gonna Blow Her Lid - UsWeekly

One Too Many Vodka Sodas for Ms. Handler

Courtesy: HuffingtonPost.com

Lock it up, girrrrrl.

This is an especially painful post for me to write as I am one of the most diehard Chelsea Handler fans alive.

My DVR is backed up with Chelsea Lately episodes whenever I return home from my week-long benders. And by the time I've had my third, refreshing Gatorade, I'm all caught up.

But this time, our vodka-loving comedienne has gone too far. As much as I love her inappropriate humor and odd obsession with little people, I can't back her latest rant against Santa Angelina Jolie.

Over the weekend, Handler performed in New Jersey for her "Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang" comedy tour. During her stand up routine, she spewed a series of expletives in her latest tirade on Angelina's homewrecking tendencies.

Why the sudden hate for this international do-gooder, you ask? Well, it turns out that Chelsea and Jennifer Aniston vacationed together in Mexico over the Thanksgiving holiday.

And I'm guessing that after one or two mojitos, Jen wasn't quite so Zen about her break up with Brad as she claims to be.

So Chels has taken it upon herself to launch a personal smear campaign about Angelina's apparent ability to break up marriages, one expletive-laden comedy show at a time.

I'm not going to pick sides here since I'm pretty sure I'd switch teams for either of the aforementioned entertainers, but I can't back Chelsea's dissing of my Angie. Angelina can't help that Brad fell for her any more than Chelsea can help sleeping with famous black rappers. We've all got our thing, girl.

And Chels, let's be honest. If Brad Pitt were all up in your grill - married or no - would you really turn him down?? Don't judge unless you've been there and NOT done that.

Note to Angie: It's all good. People will still flock to the theaters this weekend to see you and Johnny Depp get it on in "The Tourist".

I'll bring the popcorn - you bring Brad.

Taylor Swift Found Her Love Story

Courtesy: UsWeekly.com

Disclaimer: This blog posting has an indecent amount of cheesy puns incorporating the titles of Taylor Swift songs and Jake Gyllenhaal movies. I just couldn't help myself.

It's official - my heart is crushed.

Somehow I knew when Jake and Reese Witherspoon were dating that it would never last. Maybe it was because I saw the bitchy side of Reese during a chance encounter in Washington DC. Or maybe it was because a union between Donnie Darko and Elle Woods just didn't make sense. Either way, their days were numbered.

But Jake and Taylor are an entirely different sort of "Love Story". After just five weeks, the pair have been spotted canoodling in coffee shops on Thanksgiving day and meeting each other's parents.

Already, entertainment news pundits are plotting their celeb couple name - Jaylor? GyllenSwift? Swyllenhall? Or the most obvious choice: so-damn-cute-that-there's-no-chance-of-me-fathering-Jake's-kids-anymore.

I'm just saying.

But I've got to admit, I'm happy for them. At the ripe age of 20, Taylor Swift has experienced more ups and downs in the world of love than most baby boomers. And as far as boyfriends go, girlfriend struck gold.

Not only is Jake the epitome of Haat-ness, he's actually a solid guy. He's eluded any Tiger Woods-like scandals thus far in his career and has garnered an international reputation as the boy you want to bring home to mama.

But watch out - because mama might try to make out with him when you're not looking.

And your mom may just be closer in age to Jake than his current lady love. In a mere 19 days, Jake will turn 30. This makes him nearly a decade older than Swift, which the Ryan Seacrests of the world are all too quick to point out.

But the day we start to let Ryan Seacrest's opinion matter, we're all doomed. If Brangelina can make it through their twelve year age difference and six small kids, anything is possible.

Jake is clearly into the look of Taylor's "Teardrops on [Her] Guitar". So who are we to say they won't last "Forever & Always"?

Granted, odds are against them as Hollywood couples tend to crash and burn harder than Mel Gibson's career. But I'm holding out hope that these two crazy kids are just cute enough to make it work.

But in case things don't go their way, Jake can be the Prince of my Persia any. day. of. the. week.