Never Say Never - To Justin Falling In Love With Me!

This past Sunday, my heart broke twice.

#2 heart break - When the Steelers lost to the Packers in the Super Bowl
#1 heart break - When Justin Bieber was spotted walking hand-in-hand with Selena Gomez down the Santa Monica Pier Sunday afternoon

Caption: whyfame.com

We've all known for awhile about Justin and Selena's "secret" courtship. Though that knowledge doesn't ease the pain in my heart, I'm learning to accept it more and more with each passing day.

But seeing the two young lovers together in my hometown - a mere 15 minute drive from my house, no less - was the straw that broke this cougar camel's back.

Yes, I'm aware that Justin Bieber is ten years younger than me. But that's why I wore a shirt that said "COUGAR" to his concert last summer.

By acknowledging the felony before it happens, I negate it out right. That kind of logic just can't be challenged.

I went to Santa Monica the next day hoping to catch a glimpse of the Biebs hanging around - but to no avail. Rumor has it, he'll be at KIIS-FM interviewing with Ryan Seacrest next week. So clearly I'll move heaven and hell to replace his studio chair with my lap and hope he doesn't mind (or sue).

Justin's movie, "Never Say Never", comes out this Friday as an early Valentine's Day gift to his 80 ga-jillion fans worldwide. Surprisingly, I don't have my tickets yet but I do have some hot lady friends who have agreed to see it with me. And we're all legal! Which is more than I can say for our leading man.

Even though Justin has betrayed my heart by seeing other people, my love for him is unconditional and without limits. If he keeps crooning out those delicious love ballads and dancing his way across America, I'll keep my JBiebs necklace happily displayed for all to see.

Selena Gomez is adorable, talented and seems like a genuinely good person. But that doesn't keep me from praying that her hand holding days with the Biebs are short lived.

I won't go so far as to threaten her ala Bieber's psycho stalker 12-year-old fans via Twitter. But I will offer her a handsome reward of a home-cooked meal and the $34 I have in my bank account if she'll back off for a bit and give this puma a chance.

If you're looking for me this weekend, I'll be sitting in the front row of every theater in LA that's playing "Never Say Never". If the Biebs pops out from behind the movie screen and proposes to me at the end of the film, all the better. My birthday is in two weeks, after all!

Sheen's Got A Brand New Bag...

...Of cocaine.

Caption: Mamapop.com

The "Two And A Half Men" star bravely checked himself into rehab late last week, taking one small step towards sober living. Only to check himself out of rehab and back into his house 48 hours later to "continue [his] treatment from home".

What rehab center in America would agree to let Charlie Sheen lead his own rehabilitation efforts?? At least in rehab, they make the drug dealers sign in at the front desk during visiting hours.

Every dealer in LA cheered Charlie's return home and celebrated by bringing over bricks of cocaine as a surprise housewarming gift. Ex-wife, Denise Richards, reportedly stopped by on Sunday and pleaded with Sheen to return to the recovery center.

But why go back to a place filled with substitute drugs when you can get the real thing with all the comforts of home? I'm sure Sheen appreciates doing lines off his owns mirrors rather than those dirty, used ones in rehab.

And let's not forget the multitude of "adult film stars" who already have the passcode to Sheen's entry gate. Betty Ford apparently has a two hooker limit that is simply unacceptable for this CBS star.

Somehow through all the scandal, Sheen's show is still pulling in astronomically high ratings. Charlie pulls in $2 million per episode, which affords him a bevy of prostitutes, illegal drugs and guaranteed trips to the hospital every week.

To top it off, he paid his latest lady friend $30k for their two-and-a-half-minute romp in the hay. The porn star ran to the bank as fast as her hooker heels could carry her and deposited the check before publicly demanding an additional $25k.

My advice to this lady (and I use the term loosely): move on from Sheen and find out what Tiger Woods has been up to. And then call me so I can blog about it.