Chafed by The Donald

Although this is a celebrity gossip blog, I find myself needing to take a step into the political world for my latest rant. You could argue that since this post is mainly about the producer of "Celebrity Apprentice", I'm not straying too far from the fold.

Last night, I watched a nearly 30-minute segment on CNN that featured an extensive interview with Anderson Cooper and Donald Trump about - you guessed it - President Obama's birth certificate.

It turns out that even when Hawaii submitted Obama's official birth record, it was not in a format that pleased The Donald. Instead of a "birth certificate" it was a "certificate of live birth", which Trump claims can be manufactured by any Tom-Dick-or-dumba$$ with a notary stamp, pen and - oh wait - permission from the state of Hawaii to certify such an official and entirely legal document.

Please turn to your neighbor now and say, "The Donald can suck it".

Trump continued on in the interview to say that further proof of a conspiracy can be found in the fact that Obama's birth announcement came out in the local newspaper eight days after he was born.

Why the delay? Because, as the newspaper and CNN were both quick to point out, birth announcements were made only once a week on Sundays and the President was born on a Friday. ALL babies born that day were in the following week's paper due to a baby backlog.

Which I believe, because who wouldn't want to get knocked up in Hawaii?? I bet their birth rate is through the roof.

The most disheartening thing about this travesty of a "news" story is that when Trump first came on the scene as a presidential candidate, no one really took him seriously. Now, polls show Trump neck-in-neck with Huckabee for the #1 spot on the Republican ticket.

And what is the big difference between Trump's debut and now? His one-man witch hunt for the President's birth certificate as his campaign platform. This means that many Americans are truly stupid enough to buy into this non-story and base their voting decision on prejudice, racism and lies.

I say racism not because President Obama is black, but because Trump claimed one reason the President may have for "hiding" his birth certificate is that it would prove he's Muslim.

And maybe I'll get shot for saying this, but what is wrong with being Muslim? Not all Muslims planned 9/11 - it was a group of heartless radicals who also happened to be Muslim.

Shall we go back in history to name all the batshit crazy Christians who did terrible things? If one Buddhist decides to go whacky, should we march over to Tibet and bomb everyone in sight? I don't think so.

I'm disgusted for several reasons but will highlight only two for the sake of brevity:

#1 - The fact that Donald Trump thinks he's fit to run anything outside of his real estate empire and LaToya Jackson's business training on "Celebrity Apprentice" is not only arrogant, it's vile and insults my stance as a pseudo-intellectual.

#2 - The fact that people are actually buying into his propaganda means that, in fact, our country did not wise up after electing George W. Bush not once but TWICE and we deserve to fry in hell as a nation.

There's nothing left for me to say here aside from shame on you, Donald. You would be much better off getting wasted with your 17th wife - who is the same age as your daughter - instead of wasting Anderson Cooper's (and my) time with nonsensical interviews.

No, I won't vote for you. And I will make it a personal mission to slap anyone in the face who does.

I'm going to go throw up in my mouth now.

Switching Teams

Credit: media.onsugar.com

There is a distinct possibility that my love for The Biebs is turning me into a lesbian.

While I pride myself on being Miss Gay America and understanding that gays and lesbians are "Born This Way", I do think I'm an exception in that I was born straight and am now considering alternative options.

Supporting evidence:

1. Miley Cyrus recently performed on Saturday Night Live and did an excellent impression of Justin Bieber (even I had to admit she was good, though she was clearly mocking him). What I also had to admit was that I was oddly attracted to Cyrus throughout the entire skit.
2. This girl looks so much like The Biebs that she wrote a song about it, which has since gone viral. And without sounding like a pedophile, I kind of dig her too.
3. Most of you are probably familiar with this #winner already -http://lesbianswholooklikejustinbieber.tumblr.com/. Yes, those are lesbians and yes, they look like a 17-and-one-month-year-old-young-man (my parole officer suggests that I don't refer to him as a "boy" to avoid jail time...)
4. I'm an avid fan of Showtime's lesbian drama "The L Word" (although that's been the case for years, even when I was engaged to a man)

As you can see, the evidence is staggering. Of course, I prefer the real thing over any female imposter as no one can truly croon "Somebody to Love" the way my Biebs does - although points go to the Glee cast for trying (video below).

But alas, I find myself considering the alternative more and more these days as female Bieber imposters keep popping up all over the grid. Soon, you'll find me at Tegan & Sara concerts wearing a T-shirt with Samantha Ronson's face on it. Or me on Samantha Ronson's face, whichever comes first.

I can't say that I'm even really bothered by the prospect. One of my best friends is a lesbian (hey Meggie!) and I've been hitting on her for years. Maybe I was Born This Way and didn't even realize it - it took Justin Bieber to help me accept who I am.  

Luckily, I'm close to West Hollywood and can make my team-switching declaration amongst peers.

If only Ellen were still single...