Thursday, September 30, 2010
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Absent Due to Mourning...(Lindsay's Career)
La Dirt Dishing Dame has been gone for far too long. And I blame Lindsay Lohan.
Who can keep up with this girl? And, more importantly, who even wants to anymore. I can still tap into the memories of my friends and I gathering every Wednesday in our pink shirts sipping diet Sunkist martinis and watching Lindsay play the brilliantly portrayed Cady Heron in "Mean Girls".
So much promise for the future. I believe when Obama channeled hope in his Presidential campaign, he was thinking of Lindsay Lohan. (Democrats all over the world, please forgive the blasphemy).
Gone is the hope and with it, any semblance of a career for the redhead-turned-coke-fiend. After being released early from jail and a court-mandated rehab (mistake #1 and mistake #2), Lohan had a rather just set of probationary terms including - wait for it - sobriety.
But as last week's failed drug test showed, that stipulation proved to be a bit too much for our little thespian.
The world should blame Michael Lohan. What girl stands a chance at making it when her idiot father with an arrest record longer than her own takes to the pages of Us Weekly whenever Lindsay sets foot outside the house. She can't even make a funny, recorded bit with Chelsea Handler for the MTV Video Music Awards without Papa Lohan sending out his thankful prayers via Ryan Seacrest the next day, announcing to the world that Lindsay is back.
Well Michael, if by "Lindsay is back" you mean "Lindsay is due back in court", then you are absoLUTEly correct. Her next court date is set for October 22nd where a judge will determine her fate yet again.
Her options currently include being sent back to jail for the fourth time (this year), put under house arrest, committed to a rehab with better locks or opting to be adopted by the Jolie-Pitt family who seem to be doing much better with their child rearing than Michael and Dina Lohan.
Although if Lindsay gets adopted by the Jolie-Pitts before I do, I quit.
I wanted to send out some sage advice for Lindsay on how to turn her life around and reclaim the positive future that was once hers. But she has enough of that coming from such qualified professionals like Love Line's Dr. Drew and 24-year-old retired actress Amanda Bynes.
What Lindsay really needs is the truth. You're nothing these days if you don't have a reality show. So if you're going to do coke and fail drug tests, at least follow the trodden path of thousands before you and make sure it's televised.
Who can keep up with this girl? And, more importantly, who even wants to anymore. I can still tap into the memories of my friends and I gathering every Wednesday in our pink shirts sipping diet Sunkist martinis and watching Lindsay play the brilliantly portrayed Cady Heron in "Mean Girls".
So much promise for the future. I believe when Obama channeled hope in his Presidential campaign, he was thinking of Lindsay Lohan. (Democrats all over the world, please forgive the blasphemy).
Gone is the hope and with it, any semblance of a career for the redhead-turned-coke-fiend. After being released early from jail and a court-mandated rehab (mistake #1 and mistake #2), Lohan had a rather just set of probationary terms including - wait for it - sobriety.
But as last week's failed drug test showed, that stipulation proved to be a bit too much for our little thespian.
The world should blame Michael Lohan. What girl stands a chance at making it when her idiot father with an arrest record longer than her own takes to the pages of Us Weekly whenever Lindsay sets foot outside the house. She can't even make a funny, recorded bit with Chelsea Handler for the MTV Video Music Awards without Papa Lohan sending out his thankful prayers via Ryan Seacrest the next day, announcing to the world that Lindsay is back.
Well Michael, if by "Lindsay is back" you mean "Lindsay is due back in court", then you are absoLUTEly correct. Her next court date is set for October 22nd where a judge will determine her fate yet again.
Her options currently include being sent back to jail for the fourth time (this year), put under house arrest, committed to a rehab with better locks or opting to be adopted by the Jolie-Pitt family who seem to be doing much better with their child rearing than Michael and Dina Lohan.
Although if Lindsay gets adopted by the Jolie-Pitts before I do, I quit.
I wanted to send out some sage advice for Lindsay on how to turn her life around and reclaim the positive future that was once hers. But she has enough of that coming from such qualified professionals like Love Line's Dr. Drew and 24-year-old retired actress Amanda Bynes.
What Lindsay really needs is the truth. You're nothing these days if you don't have a reality show. So if you're going to do coke and fail drug tests, at least follow the trodden path of thousands before you and make sure it's televised.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Thursday, September 16, 2010
When Did Susan Sarandon Become So Cool?!
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| Credit: OC Register |
Fast forward a few decades and Sarandon is a global powerhouse, dominating red carpets and ping pong tables across the nation.
Yes, I said ping pong tables. Sarandon is part owner of the SPiN franchise, a premier ping-pong club located in LA, NYC, Milwaukee and - hopefully - my living room if I play my cards right. Players can purchase an annual membership to pong the night away with no limits or they can pay-per-play. All this table tennis excitement comes with a DJ, full bar and go-fers scurrying to catch runaway balls while wearing T-shirts that actually say "Balls Are My Business". The most profound words I've ever heard.
Balls aside, Sarandon has shown a side of herself that few "Dead Man Walking" fans ever knew existed. Who can forget the SNL parody "Mother Lover" where Sarandon got the chance to redefine what it means to be a MILF - all while being felt up by Justin Timberlake (luckyyyyyyy).
She can also be found any given weekend at a Scissor Sisters or Arcade Fire concert rocking out harder than the tweeny boppers. Sarandon even recently treated her son and daughter to a family field trip to the tattoo parlor. Along with her kids' names inked down her spine, she has a small wrist tattoo of ANDAND that stands for "A New Dawn, A New Day".
Perhaps her new life mantra alludes to her split with partner of 23 years, Tim Robbins. The two lived happily unmarried until their unexpected break up late last year. But don't expect that to slow her down any.
Rumors abound that she's now shtooping her ping pong business partner. While they both adamantly deny these reports, they do admit how close they are both personally and professionally.
The biggest media issue seems to be their age difference (32 years to be exact) more than their mutual love for ping pong. Which takes us into the double standard of why it's OK for Michael Douglas to marry Catherine Zeta Jones, a woman 25 years his junior, while the Demi Moores of the world are labeled "cougar", "puma", or my personal moniker "cougar in training".
I'm not jumping onto any soap boxes anytime soon. But if a lady wants to get it on with a man half her age, I say ride 'em cowboy (Justin Bieber - call me when you're legal!!)
I may not know much about this world...but I do know I want to be Susan Sarandon when I grow up.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Monday, September 13, 2010
Nine Awards and One Meat Dress Later...
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| Credit: Japan Vogue |
I personally found it difficult to concentrate after Justin Bieber's babe-o-riffic drum solo. Yes Justin, when "U Smile", I smile.
But statutory limitations aside, the 2010 VMA's left little to be desired. Chelsea Handler found herself in quite a pickle after jumping into a Jersey Shore-filled hot tub only to leave minutes later with a bun in the oven. Well done, Ms. Handler.
Hats off to the first woman to ever host the VMA's. She may have been a little nervous, but she certainly left us with several memorable one liners and video skits. As a Jersey native, she exercised her hometown authority to dub the Jersey Shore cast as "America's Greasiest Sweethearts: Dumbing down America one spray tan @ a time. I never knew there were so many shades of orange."
And our resident alcoholic Miss Lindsay Lohan found a new method of sneaking into the limelight yet again. She resurfaced in a taped skit with Handler where she chastised the VMA host for drinking on the job and setting off her SCRAM ankle monitor. You better listen to her, Chels - Lindsay knows what she's talking about.
Of course Michael Lohan was ready to grab the closest mic he could find to sing Lindsay's praises and thank God for her miraculous comeback. NOTE TO MICHAEL: Let Lindsay celebrate a one month anniversary of being coke-free before cracking open that bottle of champagne. Oh - and good luck setting up your California rehab. I'm sure recovering addicts around the world are clamoring for your love and support.
I would be remiss if I didn't "have a toast for the douchebags" in honor of the oh-so-deep Kanye West. According to some, last night was the best comeback he could have made with his tribute song to Miss Swift. According to many others (aka me and my dirt dishing posse), this was the latest in a series of PR ploys for the "retired" rapper.
Taylor was exceedingly gracious in her tribute song, calling Kanye an innocent and reassuring him that "who you are is not what you did". Bravo, Taylor. Way to show maturity beyond your young years. But I'm going to predict that his social gaffe with you at the 2009 VMA's will not be the last we hear from Kanye's ego.
So while Kanye toasts to the assholes, douchebags and jerkoffs of the world (Kanye 1, Kanye 2 and Kanye 3), I'm going to pour a little Hennessey out and raise a glass for our very own Lil Wayne. He's now halfway through his one year jail sentence and, alas, could not make an appearance last night.
Wayne-sy - You may not have made it to this year's awards show but as long as you haven't dropped the soap, I'd call it a good day overall!
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Friday, September 10, 2010
Thursday, September 9, 2010
John Travolta's "Sexual Secrets"
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| Credit: Cinematical.com |
His choice in playing the mother in “Hairspray” certainly didn't help matters. And these latest rumblings are yet another attempt to discredit Travolta as an actor and cultural icon.
These rumors, along with the many others before them, are not reliable. A Scientologist - yes. A bathhouse loving homosexual - doubtful with-a-side-of-WTF for the sources of said information. But the Enquirer is one of these main sources and they are quickly becoming a dominating "news" force.
Unfortunately, since they first broke the John Edwards sex scandal, the Enquirer's credibility has been on a steady incline for what was once known as nothing but a trash gossip rag. And now with Travolta’s wife due to deliver twins any day, the media is ripe with fodder about Travolta’s “sexual secrets”.
Unfortunately, since they first broke the John Edwards sex scandal, the Enquirer's credibility has been on a steady incline for what was once known as nothing but a trash gossip rag. And now with Travolta’s wife due to deliver twins any day, the media is ripe with fodder about Travolta’s “sexual secrets”.
And what if the man is gay? Either way, the entertainment industry will continue to love him. While there would be fall out from him cheating on his wife, almost everything now pales in comparison to Tiger Woods' scandal for the ages.
But his career could easily rebound from the scandal. If Hollywood can accept that Travolta believes we are all from planet Xenu (ala the Scientologist teachings), they can certainly accept that he prefers sausage instead of fish.
But his career could easily rebound from the scandal. If Hollywood can accept that Travolta believes we are all from planet Xenu (ala the Scientologist teachings), they can certainly accept that he prefers sausage instead of fish.
I digress. For now, it is all speculation with nothing more than a few fuzzy photos to "prove" that he loves having sex with men. Chances are we'll see a Katie Holmes exclusive interview with Matt Lauer citing her shock that Tom Cruise and Zac Efron are secret lovers before we get any solid proof about Travolta's indiscretions.
And if I'm wrong, I'll watch "Pulp Fiction" and give a toast to Travolta's newly sequined life.
And if I'm wrong, I'll watch "Pulp Fiction" and give a toast to Travolta's newly sequined life.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Welcome to Miami (Bienvenidos a Miami)!
No I'm not based in Miami and no I'm not a long lost Kardashian sister. But every good blog should begin with a Will Smith shout out!
Welcome to all my E! and Access Hollywood addicts who simply can't get enough of Perez Hilton's multiple gossip updates. This blog was created for you - Gaga's little monsters, Adam Lambert's divas in training and for the girls on 16 and Pregnant who are confined to their houses due to unexpected teenage knock-ups.
As a lifelong entertainment industry fanatic, I'm going to boldly go where EVERY (wo)man has gone before (and no, I don't mean Pam Anderson's bed) by digging deep into celebrity culture for your reading pleasure.
Welcome to all my E! and Access Hollywood addicts who simply can't get enough of Perez Hilton's multiple gossip updates. This blog was created for you - Gaga's little monsters, Adam Lambert's divas in training and for the girls on 16 and Pregnant who are confined to their houses due to unexpected teenage knock-ups.
As a lifelong entertainment industry fanatic, I'm going to boldly go where EVERY (wo)man has gone before (and no, I don't mean Pam Anderson's bed) by digging deep into celebrity culture for your reading pleasure.
I'm not your mom and I won't mince words. If you:
- Do something in the media spotlight worth tearing apart, consider yourself torn (Tiger Woods, this means you).
- Get caught on your second drug bust in two months (Paris), I'm going to first ask your parents where they went wrong and then grill you for all it's worth.
- And, if you're planning on jumpstarting your career through porn (Ms. Fishburne/Hilton/Kardashian/et al), I will never take you seriously as long as this blog shall live.
So without further ado, let's dive deep into this crazy world we call Hollywood and dish some dirt...
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