Never Can Say Goodbye

For anyone who's been to the Dirt Dishing Dame's cougar lair, you know firsthand that my home is covered in Michael Jackson memorabilia.

There are the obvious wall coverings from the Time Magazine Commemorative Edition to a throwback Entertainment Weekly and, of course, the LIFE coffee table book in my living room. If you look a little closer, there's a sequined glove atop a men's fedora in the closet, 4 DVDs and 1 VHS of his performances throughout the decades and T-shirts in the dresser emblazoned with images of his trademark moves.

Credit: Wikipedia

To say June 25, 2009 was a dark day is an understatement. Since then, we've seen millions of people around the world reacting to the death of an icon - some positive, some negative and some not even worth mentioning.

Last night at the American Music Awards, we saw an example of how Michael Jackson's legend will never die. And I couldn't be prouder of my jailbait, future ex-boyfriend - Justin Bieber.

The Biebs was nominated for four AMA's last night and won in all categories including Entertainer of the Year. His finale speech included a touching tribute to Usher Raymond - the man he justly credits with his success.

But if you took a minute to rewind your DVRs, you would have seen that the Biebs paid tribute to a man largely credited with inspiring Usher Raymond's artistic side: Michael Jackson.

Earlier in the show, Justin Bieber performed his new song "Pray" wearing a black jacket with a white band around his right arm. This was a signature Jackson trademark and Bieber's subtle yet touching performance tribute to the man whose legacy inspired most of the artists seated throughout the AMA audience.

Usher performed soon afterward and added several Jackson dance moves to his routine, something that has become quite common for the soulful crooner since Michael's passing last year.

With "entertainers" like Miley Cyrus and Taylor Momsen writhing on the ground in outfits far too mature for their teenage years, it's refreshing to see performers like Justin Bieber pay tribute to their predecessors who made their own successes possible.

Without Michael Jackson, there would be no Usher Raymond and, in turn, no Justin Bieber making 12 year old girls (and 20-something Dirt Dishing Dames) sigh contentedly and draw hearts on our three-ring binders.

In all seriousness, it was wonderful to see Bieber's maturity and respect for those who came before him oozing out of his pubescent pores. If I wasn't a fan before (and let's be honest, we all know I was), I am a mega fan now.

My Bieber Fever has given way to the Biebonic Plague - for which there is no cure. Thank you, Justin, for making me feel like I'm the Only Girl in the world!

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Note to Self: Never Pull A Jessica Simpson

Credit: Thefrisky.com

Just when we thought Jessica Simpson couldn't get any blonder...

Congratulations are in order to Jessica Simpson and her beau, NFL freelancer Eric Johnson, who announced their engagement this weekend.

Coincidentally, their announcement is just days after Simpson's ex-husband, Nick Lachey, announced his engagement to longterm girlfriend Vanessa Ma-I'm-so-boring. But who's counting?

Despite the fact that Simpson and Johnson have only been dating since May, I was actually happy for the little lass when I heard the news. After several failed dalliances with John Mayer and having the entire Dallas Cowboys team turning against her during her relationship with quarterback Tony Romo, I figured now is the time for Simpson to shine in love. We all deserve to be happy in whatever way it takes to get us there.

But happy and naive do not seem to be mutually exclusive for Simpson. Perez Hilton and I were both shocked to learn that along with Simpson's decision to say "I do" came the accompanying decision to not have her fiancée sign a prenup before walking down the aisle.

Simpson's wealth is rumored to total somewhere around $100 million from record sales, clothing and fragrance lines, and God knows what else she spends her time doing. Johnson, though an NFL pro, has been unemployed for some time and hasn't exactly been paying his way through his six-month relationship with Jessica.

You would think Jess would have learned her lesson from her last marriage. Nick Lachey's untalented behind walked away with $10 million of Jessica's not-so-hard-earned dough after their divorce last decade. And that was well before QVC took any big interest in hawking Jessica's wares.

Fast forward a few failed relationships and Jessica is ready to sound the wedding bells once more with nothing more than her hopes and dreams to fuel the marriage.

I'm not saying her relationship is doomed, but considering her track record you would think our Southern belle would be a bit more cautious on this second go-round.

My career as Dirt Dishing Dame has yet to garner millions, but I tried nevertheless to put myself in Ms. Simpson's shoes. Personally, break ups are enough of a loss that I doubt I would want to compound it by losing my vacation home in Cabo as well. Call me crazy, but I would do all I could to hold onto that house and use it as my cabana boy getaway in case my marriage went south.

It's not ideal to consider the worst when getting hitched, but it's also less than ideal to watch your money being spent on jock straps by your ex because you didn't plan accordingly.

As my parting words of advice for Jessica, I invite you to view the lyrics to "Sign the Prenup" by KRS-One & Greenie. Pure poetry awaits you.

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They Put a Ring On It

Credit: Just Jared

Wedding bells are (almost) ringing in La-La-Land for LeAnn Rimes/Eddie Cibrian and Vanessa Minnillo/Nick Lachey.

In the wake of celebrity divorces happening everywhere you turn, it's refreshing to see people in love and wanting to make honest men and women of each other. If only this occurred without the wreckage of homes in the process.

ABC News featured a "Country Week" special on Wednesday by interviewing crooners like Carrie Underwood and LeAnn Rimes. This marked the first couples interview Eddie Cibrian has given about his relationship with Rimes since his split with his wife. Cibrian and Rimes met on the set of Lifetime's "Northern Lights" made-for-TV-movie while they were both still married.

Tabloids soon announced that the two had taken their on-screen love to new heights off-screen in a scandalous affair that quickly stripped Rimes of her "America's Sweetheart" title. She was relabeled a homewrecker and even stalker of Cibrian and his family.

Fast forward one jam-packed year and the two are rumored now to be engaged. What a difference a year makes. I know cheating is wrong but, honestly, these two were made for each other. Homewrecking aside, they do seem to share a love that is unselfish and unwavering despite the media's declarations otherwise (and the very vocal wrath of Cibrian's ex-wife).

I hope LeAnn walks down the aisle to "How Do I Live Without You". That would put the cherry on top of my day.

Credit: Just Jared

In less interesting news, Nick Lachey (formerly known as Mr. Jessica Simpson) and Vanessa Minnillo announced their engagement after four years of dating and a short-lived break up in between.

Is it just me or do they make one of the most boring couples in Hollywood?

I don't mind stability - even though it's less newsworthy - but in general, I couldn't care less about what Minnillo is wearing or how Lachey is attempting to resurrect his career by hosting terrible reality shows. I need at least one of them to come up with something intriguing like a hidden sex tape or the revelation that Minnillo is really a man (would we actually be that shocked though??)

So I suppose congratulations is in order for the dull-yet-seemingly-happy couple. I look forward to even more boring wedding photos followed by absurdly tedious baby bump rumors.

Thank you, LeAnn and Eddie, for spicing up the Hollywood dating scene with your infidelity. Keep up the good work and maybe make a sequel to "Northern Lights" while you're at it.

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If 50 can hit it once, he can most certainly hit twice.

Rumors abound that Chelsea Handler (of hilarious "Chelsea Lately" fame) has officially been hit a time or two by Mr. Cent himself. "Lately" comedians have scripted several skits about the milk chocolate duo but neither entertainer has come forward to confirm or deny the hook ups.

So let's separate fact from fiction, shall we?

• FACT: Chelsea's got jungle fever out the wazoo. Take five minutes of your time to read any of her alcohol-laden books and you'll see that whenever she finds herself itching for some lovin', a dark and stormy suitor is never far out of reach.
  
  
• FACT: The two have been spotted canoodling at least three times on both coasts at public and private parties. Chances are Mr. Cent took Ms. Chandler to the Candy Shop once or twice after said shindigs.
  
  
• FACT: Fiddy made a cameo appearance on "Chelsea Lately" last night while Handler was photographed stocking up on condoms just hours before (double bag that shiz, Chels!)
  
  
• FICTION: 50 Cent only hooks up with "ladies of color". Yes, he did date Vivica A. Fox for some time and definitely features ladies with junk in their trunk in his music videos. But that doesn't mean Fiddy can't tell some good lovin' when he sees it. 

And let's be honest - Chelsea Handler has quite the reputation.

I think it's wonderful that these two have found luuurve in between the sheets. The most mismatched pairs often make the most entertaining couples to watch. 

Who didn't do a double take when Courtney Cox and David Arquette announced they were getting it on? Granted, 11 years later things didn't quite turn out the way they planned. But neither Cent nor Handler make any claims that they are looking for Mr./Mrs. Right. Both have a solid reputation for a hit-it-and-quit-it type of attitude and I, for one, commend them for their honesty.

Credit: laurenandcaseyparks.blogspot.com

The only thing that could make this twosome any better was if a sex tape emerged with footage of Handler getting it on with Fiddy and her little nugget of an assistant, Chuy Bravo (see right). Not only would this fit right in with her playgirl persona, but Handler would make a fortune off the footage.

And I would personally spend much more than a 50 Cent piece to catch a glimpse or two of that G-Unit action.

You get it, girl!

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