How Many Tattoos Does It Take To Screw In A Lightbulb?

Courtesy: celebritysmackblog.com

Is everyone up-to-date with their hepatitis vaccines? I certainly hope so. Because Jesse James and Kat Von D are combining their disease-ridden forces to say "I do".

Merely seven months after James' divorce from Sandra Bullock - who he infamously desecrated after news of his multiple infidelities became public - James, 41, has popped the question to Kat Von D. Von D, 28, has since taken to Twitter to tout how much she loves love and what her relationship with James has taught her about maturity and partnerships.

Unless she admits that James has taught her nothing more than how to tattoo yourself in your sleep, I call bullsh!t.

The two began dating publicly five months ago. Rumors began swirling quickly thereafter about James' supposed new infidelities, Von D's jealousy over James purchasing a house in Austin simply to be near Bullock, and how the two were struggling with their long distance relationship (Von D lives permanently in Los Angeles, a major disservice to all city residents including myself).

But somehow this crazy couple has found a way to make it work. The two announced yesterday via Twitter that their engagement was, in fact, real. Von D flashed a bauble that is hard to see on top of her 17 hand tattoos. James released "artsy" photos of his lady love on his Twitter page to show how much he cared.

This will be James' fourth mistake marriage, if it actually comes to pass. First wife, Karla James, is the mother of one of his kids. He then married a porn star (aka baby mama #2) followed by Bullock. Von D is the latest in a string of poor decisions with more to come, I'm sure.

The only person who could truly be happy about this engagement is Tiger Woods. James successfully turned America's attention away from the golfer when the news of his addiction to finding sex partners via MySpace surfaced.

But don't think you're out of the woods yet, Tiger. I've got my eye on you.

In the meantime, everyone in LA should keep their penicillin stash handy just in case you come into accidental contact with James or Von D. If there is any humanity, they should be sterilized within the month.