Hangin' Tough in the New Year

Happy New Year to all my little dirt dish-ees!! I would say I've missed you, but we all know I had way too much egg nog over the holidays to miss much of anything.

Credit: JustJared

Apparently, Hollywood has been at somewhat of a standstill in my absence as well. Sure - Hugh Hefner got engaged to a woman 60 years his junior (the Heffer is 84 while his fiancée is a 24 year old blushing-bride-to-be).

And yes, Reese Witherspoon virtually pimp slapped Jake Gyllenhaal after debuting her 4-carat sparkler from now fiancée, Jim Toth. After being dumped by Witherspoon, Jakey moved on to Taylor Swift only to announce their break up a mere day or two into the new year.

But all of that is child's play for La La Land during the holiday season! Where was Charlie Sheen with a bevy of prostitutes in some seedy Las Vegas strip joint? Why did Lindsay Lohan appear to be disarmingly sober when exiting a gym after being discharged from her stint at Betty Ford? How did Jesse James avoid being photographed during his weekly injection of penicillin*?

I was shocked and appalled at Hollywood's tame approach to the holidays. Even Natalie Portman's announcement that she's knocked up didn't do anything to stir the starlet pot.

Are we simply numb to the goings-on of celebrity life? Will it take a scandal of Tiger Woods proportion to kick some intrigue back into the gossip scene?

I, for one, am not going to wait for another athlete to text inappropriate photos of their embarrassingly small member to get excited about the new year. Why, you ask? Because Dick Clark's New Years Rockin' Eve brought something very important to my attention.

**Drum roll please**

New Kids on the Block and the Backstreet Boys (lovingly referred to as "NKOTBSB") are going on tour beginning June 2011!!! 

If that doesn't knock your socks off, I don't know what will.

Credit: JustJared

You don't have to ask me twice to Step by Step my way back into some Backstreet-charged enthusiasm. NKOTBSB's pre-ball drop performance was a monumental occasion. Screams were heard around the world as they took the stage (by "around the world" I mean primarily from my hoarse lungs). Now, all I have to figure out is how to bankroll my new occupation as professional groupie and attend every performance on their tour.

This past Christmas, I asked Santa for a buffet of men to choose from in the new year. And he delivered NKOTBSB.

Thank you, Santa. And thank you, world. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

*Merely conjecture based upon Jesse James' proclivity for diseased-looking "love interests"